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belindac
#21 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
belindac

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how do i get started with the recovery of being a gamble fiend.
Its a compulsion for me now. I don't even want to do it but I cant stop it. I feel possesed and diseased. i'm 21 and i don't want to ruine my life anymore. can someone help me get rid this demon.
grammaliz
#22 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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Welcome to the forum. I'll start by saying you have a long road ahead of you. You have already taken the first step. Admitting you have a problem. Funny, the "demon" is what I call it too. Walking into a casino is like walking into satans front door.
I am sorry you have to go through this at such a young age. But, this disease does not care how old you are. You will have to take it one day at a time. Put up barriers to access your money. Ban yourself from where it is you gamble. Look up where the nearest GA meeting is and go.
We are all here for you for as much support as we can. We all know what you are expierencing right now. We all just want our lives back.
My gambling started out as just a few hours of fun, and now has become a living nightmare I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I myself have gone 18 days gamblefree so far.
This is a journey we will be taking together.
God Speed from Northern California
grammaliz
#23 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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Just popping in to say I am still with you. Sometimes this forum doesn't give an immidiate response. I can tell you are desparate for some kind of help. Tell me a little more about yourself. Do you work? Do you go to school? What kind of goals in life do you have? Talk to me.
I am worried about you.
belindac
#24 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
belindac

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I use to work in hospotality, work at cafe in the day and in the evenings work at a bar. Then i got into tantric massage heaps better money but was very dirty kind of money, eventually i gave up on a normal job and got into prostitution at this stage my gambling got worse because I have debt collectors calling me everyday in regards to my out standing debts. hence my decision to do what i did. Instead of paying my debts. I got into the mentality of I can make that money tomorrow and go put $700 $800 into a slot machiene and not think to much of it. I'm still in debt and ive left my job a year and a half down the track. only difference is, is that ive meet some one who wants to have a future with me. I do want the same thing but my gambling has turned me into someone who isnt motivated with anything. people use to tell me i had that x factor. I'd be lucky if anyone had time for me now. I never relised how much of a toll it had on my life its really taken over and not in the ways i thought it could. i never had panic attacks until this year. Id be lucky if i dont get them twice a week. Its really taking a toll on me. i do need help and i know i cant do this by myself. My goal is to first beat this. I do want a career and a house and desperatly want to travel. so i need to get my act together. life is short and im very aware of that. thats why im desperate to over come this demon. thank you for you concern it means so much to me ive felt alone for so long and now its good to be out the dark.
grammaliz
#25 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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Belindac, good to see you back. No one here will judge you. We here have all felt your pain to one degree or another. I know the terror you feel when you can't pay your bills. If you want a future with anyone you must stop right now. Along your journey you may have a slip, but it is only a slip. It won't be easy. Remember that you are fighting for your life. First of all you must try to pay your bills. Stay off the streets.
Does your friend know about your gambling problem? Maybe that person could take over your finances for you. Just for now. Tell him you need help with it. you will at least find out how much you can trust him.
I too suffer from panic attacks from time to time. It will hit out of no where. I wrote you an earlier post, a very long one, but I don't know what happened to it. It didn't post over.

Please believe in yourself. You have a wonderful dream for your life. That dream can come true. You must want it bad enough to work at it. This problem will not be gone over night. You have to take it one day at a time. If you ever want to have someone to talk to right away, I also post on another forum that has been a great deal of help to me. WWW.gamblingtherapy.

There is hope for you. Like I said before it is not an easy road. I for one can't believe I would ever have this problem myself. Together we can take this journey back to reality and a good decent life.
belindac
#26 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
belindac

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thank you for taking the time to help me through this. second day of not gambling and i feel confident in myself that i can beat this. my partner has taken over my finaces so i can beat this properly. thank you for being an ear it keeps me really encouraged to get through this whole process.
grammaliz
#27 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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Congratulations on day two, Tommorrow can be day three.
One day at a time.
P.S. my daughter had simuler problems as you, today she left for a seven day mexican cruise. She got her life back. So can you.
smileyface
#28 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I am hoping by now you have reached day 4!!!

In my experience it is really enlightening to feel that sensation of not being in that dark place anymore; however sometimes the light dimmers and it can be easy to slip back into that dark place again. In my opinion and experiences, having the right support plays a vital role to managing gambling compulsions successfully.

I personally believe in eliminating any activities or peoples which will impact negatively on how you feel about yourself and others. I think if we are trying to really face this hard and long road we have to do it with our chins high amongst people and surroundings which will make us feel good about what we are trying to achieve.

Unfortunately you can’t help the fact you are in debt and for sure that is one element which will leave most people feeling broken, however if you are committed and utilise as many resources available to you, for eg. Budget advisors may help with dealing with your creditors so that, that pressure is somewhat alleviated and the gambling 0800 help line, this forum, your partner/family or any other agencies/resources that are out there, can only enhance your chances.

I am up at this stupid oclock time in the morning because I am packing to move into a house that I can finally call my own. At the beginning of the year I would not have thought I would be in a position where I would get a mortgage let alone be on a position to service it. I am still in a bit of debt (now adding a house to that) but I am in debt living in a much brighter and happier place but knowing that I have to keep working on maintaining it.

Lets keep talking and check in from time to time.
belindac
#29 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
belindac

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dilema im going to the casino tonight to go watch a friends band. putting myself directy into the danger zone i know im going to gamble whats a good amount for me to take in? I dont wana lose all that i have because i know that my gambling has to be refined to a limit. day six and i feel great for getting this far but saddened that i have to go tonight because going cold turkey feels like im achieving something. thoughts anyone?
grammaliz
#30 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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I haven't banned myself from our local casino because of the social aspects also. We have business lunches there and family outing to the buffet. It will be a delimma for me too.
I don't think anyone here will advise you to take money to gamble with. None would be the right answer. You will only feed your addiction. You have to stop completely. From time to time there maybe a slip, that is part of the addiction. Then you have to try again. There is no middle ground. You are addicted.
Keep us posted. Let us know how you get through tonight.
Gambling is just not an option.
hocko
#31 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Belindac, my suggestion is to take just enough money for your meal and drinks, but definitely do not take any money for gambling. Once you start you'll be on that roller coaster again. Addicts shouldn't gamble at all - there is no middle road for us. I still go to clubs, but make the conscious decision not to gamble and it's worked for me.
grammaliz
#32 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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Belindac, how are you getting along? Let us know how things went for you.

Smileyface..Congratulations on your new home. I am very proud of you. It certainly sounds like yo are doing well. Buying a home can be pretty scary and exciting at the same time. I am sure you will do well. Just make sure you always make those payments on time. I almost had mine forclosed on. Things are alot better now. Stay strong in your recovery.
belindac
#33 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
belindac

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well i ended up not going out at all thought it would be better if i stayed at home and saved my money. Your right if i had of gone it would only have fuled my addiction again which im not prepared to do at this stage. still struggling with my addiction but im confident enough to walk past a bar and not go in. one day at a time right? i have to say my partners being a real gem about the whole thing hes helping me out a lot hes taken over my finances and when i spend money we do it together so hes got tabs on how much im spending. this is really working for me although does get fustrating at times. its been just over a week now and im so proud of myself i still have a long way to go but i know ill get there.
grammaliz
#34 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
grammaliz

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I am very proud of you Belindac..Maybe later when you are stronger in your recovery you will will be able go see a show there. You should go and get a nice treat for yourself. A nice blouse or something as a reward. Don't deny yourself things that make you happy. Your partner does sound like a God send. I am very glad you have that person in your life.
Urges are going to hit. Be prepared. Make a plan, like calling your partner for support. Go to a movie, rent a movie and stay home. Ride it out till it is gone. It sounds like you are really growing. I am happy for you.
It is day 26 for me.
My daughter got back home today from her 7 day mexican cruise. She had a blast.
fandango
#35 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Belinda,

Well done for biting the bullet and handing over your finances to your partner. It's great that he is supportive and that you can work through this together.
My sister took over my finances again a few weeks ago after I did it alone for a couple of years (ultimately it was not successful).
I am struggling a lot in the early stages of my latest period of recovery. I feel very depressed a lot of the time, I cry a lot, I am sensitive about what people say to me (especially my sister).
But I am working the programme hard. We only have one GA meeting a week where I live unfortunately, but I am complementing that with several AA meetings a week.
The memory of my recent slips are fresh in my mind and I know they are in my family's as well, but I am trying my best.
I have been battling addictions of various kinds for more than half my life, and there is no overnight fix.
I am going to talk to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law tonight to try and explain how I'm really feeling, because I am a bit of a mess even though it's been several weeks since I gambled or drank.
I am worried that my sister will throw a bit of flak back at me but hopefully for the most part I will feel better.
I am pleased to hear you sounding better Belinda as I've been reading your posts even though I haven't replied yet.
To Liz and Hocko and everyone else take care.
fandango
#36 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Further to my post above, I have chosen just for today, that I won't talk to my sister and brother-in-law because I feel too upset and agitated.
I create a rod for my own back with her at times because I say things to her when I know how she will react before I say them, and yet I still say them.
I am going to make a list of boundaries to apply around her because I know one of my biggest problems is the way I allow her to affect me, especially the things she says.
I am going to try and have some relaxing time tonight because my head hurts from the stress I've put myself under today.
hocko
#37 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Fandango, I think you have made a wise choice not to speak to your sister whilst you are upset, as things can often be said that can't be taken back. Those who don't have this addiction don't understand. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take some time to look after yourself.
fandango
#38 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Thanks Hocko. Today has been tough. I have been feeling really anxious and started having mild panic attacks which hasn't happened to me for a long time.
I rang my brother-in-law at lunchtime and told him I need to talk to him. He said he would do that when he gets home this afternoon. He has always been in my corner, even more so than my sister, and I am hoping it will help to tell how I feel. He is also a doctor.
One of the triggers for my being so anxious was that on Monday I was given an opportunity to go to the United Arab Emirates for a week next month for work. I told my sister about it and she found half-a-dozen reasons to pooh-pooh the idea. I won't go into what they were and why it upset me, but I have nevertheless been emotional and upset ever since.
I decided today not to take the trip, mainly because approaching Christmas I need to save every penny I can, and I also have my sister's loan to pay off.
I am going out of town for a couple of days tomorrow morning on business. While this has been a recent trigger for me slipping, I have been through too much lately to entertain doing it again.
A change of scene for 48 hours will do me good. But I am anxious about getting through the rest of today without more emotionality.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers Hocko. I really need them right now.
fandango
#39 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I spoke to my brother-in-law Hocko. He suggested I consult my own doctor and get a new anti-depressant because my current one clearly isn't working.
He also said my sister is still angry for gambling money she gave me a few weeks ago, given that she had effectively bailed me out not longer before.
When I went to see her yesterday to see her about this trip, that really riled her apparently and led her to make a whole lot of comments to my brother-in-law which showed her lack of understanding of what my work entails.
So I am pretty upset still but my brother-in-law made a few suggestions which were helpful and which I'll act on.
This all just goes to reinforce how insidious gambling and its effects are.
Take care all.
hocko
#40 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Fandango, I agree with your brother-in-law, you need to see your own doctor and have your medication reviewed. Your sister is probably reacting the way she is because she feels you have let her down. Only CG's like ourselves understand the power of the urges and know that we do not intentionally try to hurt our loved ones - she does not understand that as she can't understand the problem. I can also understand your disappointment about not going overseas in your job. Are you financially able to go? If so, I suggest you re-think the matter. If your finances aren't very healthy, then you have done the right thing by staying home. The main thing is to concentrate on getting better and kicking the gambling habit, and then start re-building the relationships you have damaged. The fact that you are still posting means that you are determined to beat this addiction and I know that you are strong enough to do this. We are all here for support. I'm on day 16 (again) as I've lapsed quite a few times and am trying to deal with the stress of possibly losing my job due to a merger. The thought of losing my job has brought me to my senses as I know I cannot afford to lose money to the pokies as I'll need it to live on in the future. Posting here helps me to keep to the straight and narrow, even though I still have those terrible urges. Look after yourself, Fandango.
Grammaliz, congratulations on your progress. You're an inspiration.
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