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anonymous
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

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test
anonymous
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I can't believe how common our problems are all over the world! I'm a Canadian woman, whose father is basically tearing us all apart. Actually, its been going on for years now (over $80 000 the first time, and all the subsequent times the amount has been smaller). He's talked about suicide in the past - which is the scariest for all of us. He's retired (his career as a contract chemical engineer ended when all this started and he is still having a hard time accepting it).

Anyways, the bottom line is that many of your comments hit home and its a relief to know that we're not alone. However, I still don't see a clear answer and as we all know - its up to the person with a problem to actually make a change.

After about a billion episodes, he's finally seeing a Gambling counsellor 1x/week. Ironically, he just gambled away a huge chunk of cash even though he's going to a cousellor..so my faith in counselling isn't that great right now. But I guess only time will tell.

Anyhow, I'll be reading this site a lot and I'm thankful that every one of you took the time to post messages. You have no idea how helpful/healing it is to read this stuff.

-affected daughter
anonymous
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi affected daughter,
Im pleased that you are able to take some comfort from the postings here, sometimes just knowing you are not the only family going through this can give you the strength to carry on, and carry on seems like all you can do often.
I wonder if you have made contact with the help agencies in Canada?? Im sure they will be able to offer you and your family on going help and support, and maybe even some practicle advice..
Thanks also for sharing your story, that takes great courage too! Do keep reading and posting as comfort from this forum is free and willingly given!
anonymous
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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my wife has a gambling problem, she has been to seek help a number of times. i took control of all our money and thought it would be ok. things were going good until last week when i found out she has lost her job because she has been stealing money to feed her gambling problem. now she faces charges from the police .it seems nothing i do can make a differance
anonymous
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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My heart goes out to you Dad of 3. But dont give up.Now she has reached rock bottom perhaps those people who have been trying to help her will sound as though they are the lifeline she needs, She has to do all the hard work in recovery but only when she finally reaches the stage where she is ready to listen and accept help The urges never go away completely but recovery is possible and she is going to have to face so much to climb out of her pit that she will need strong people around her not to judge but to support any and every effort she makes.I watched my son's marriage break up over his gambling and I have s desire to gamble myself so I know how evil the whole addiction thing is .Love her but dont be taken in by her -she cannot trust herself so you have to be wary .And love your children -they could become the real victims in all this and they deserve better.
Your wife is not a bad person just a very sick one at present. She will find acceptance and help in a good GA group any time.We all want to help.
Dot
anonymous
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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thank you dot for your kind words
anonymous
#7 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Dadof3
Have you considered getting help and support for yourself and your children? Often those affected by gambling take on the role as a rescuer,that is they try to fix the problem - they hope the gambling will go away or the gambler convinces the affected other the gambling has stopped - they are cured ( I am wondering have you ever felt as if you were going crazy?)Often those affected blame themselves or are in denial of whats really going on. If you live in New Zealand ring the Gambling helpline - they can help , if not talk with someone you trust - GP , minister etc, GET HELP and SUPPORT for you and your children. As for your partner she needs to help herself.Finally my partner is a gambler and I have faced many challenges over the last 20 plus years - it has not been an easy journey however with help and support I have survived.
anonymous
#8 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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thanks breeze,
i took yor advice and got talked to a few people. it realy helped.
my wife has taken a huge step and gotten herself banned from all gamming rooms in our area. this means her photo will be in every pub with pokies and if she is cought in the gamming rooms she could be fined also the pub could be fined up to $10000 .
anonymous
#9 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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dadof3
Good on you for reaching out and talking with others. Its takes a lot of courage. Often those affected by gambling hold back from reaching out. We do this for many reasons. Good news re your partner self-barring. Just a brief reminder keep an eye on the finances for a while (bankstatements etc ,if possible don't have a joint account). REMEMBER " trust" is a big trigger for all those affected by gambling. To regain trust it takes time - don't be fooled into believing the gambling has gone away.
Take care.
anonymous
#10 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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hi my name is tim I am comsive gamber I been gambling for to long now. I have been gambler sinces I have been 6 years old. I do ever type of gambling it making my life such a misbery. I go to meeting but I need a lot of help I need to keep in turch on the internet everyday. I am in lot of debt and I don't what to dostery myself any longer please help
anonymous
#11 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Tim
My husband is the gambler, but one thing I have learn't from this site we are all in it together, I am not sure how I can help you except to say good on you for posting, now all you need to do is keep replying, I think this site is so helpful for people trying to beat this awful addiction, I to see a counsellor but if it was not for this site I am not sure it would help enough because you cannot see them at a drop of a hat and things always happen and you need to deal with it then and there. so please use this site, if you come over and post in gamblers side there is a thread there counting Congradulations, now in this thread, it is a mixture of gamblers and partners of gamblers, we post days gamble free and urge levels, it is working wonderfully, we have some gamble free for 12 days up to 74days, and we welcome anyone, come over tell your story, we are all hear to listen and help in anyway we can. So please post.

I promise you life can get better there will always be off days but it is how you handle them and they do get easier, as for the finacial mess and debt there is a lot you can do about that to have you spoken to a finacial counsellor? If you are in NZ ring the hotline.

Anyway if you need to talk I am willing to listen if that helps at all. And please please keep posting
Take Care and Goodluck
anonymous
#12 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hello, can anyone help? My mother is a compulsive gambler and justcoming to terms with it. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and can't find a GA meeting to attend. She is even open to looking at how to start one, though she's very nervous and uncertain, for all the reasons that are well known. I live in England where she's visiting me and regaining some balance in her life, but she goes back home in just 3 weeks. If anyone knows of a group or someone in KL who would be able to help/iinterested in starting a group, I would be most grateful for a contact email or phone. Thank you. Mark
anonymous
#13 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Mark

Well good on you for posting, and Welcome to the site. First of all I am sure you have read other posts I am a wife of a gambler, So I understand the need to help your mother through this dreadful addiction.

I Live in Australia, I did a google search the only number I was able to find was 0800 006 008. it is the number for
The National Responsible Gambling Programme, which seems to be for Kuala Lumpur, and this link www.sapo.co.za/ccpa/venue.htm it is from the Sun International Casino, it has a link there to gambling help, hopefully it will help you. or at least put you in the right direction.

Also I do not know if your mother would be open to posting but I truthfully have found this site very useful, and well the joys of the internet it does not matter which country you live in. and it will be a long road for her, and even for yourself so posting for you may also help, because the effects of gambling for both the gambler and there loved ones can be very emotional one, and I personally have found the strength I get from this site amazing, sounds silly but gambling is a very hard thing to talk about with friends because peoples reaction can be anything from understanding to total disgust, so to have a place where you can go and people understand is a necessity, for your own well being, and your mothers perhaps if she is a little nervous and uncertain, being totally anonymous on this site may help. She sounds very brave actually telling you because I think that is the hardest bit for them to come to terms with admitting to them selves they have a problem and wanting to get help.

Good luck and I hope the above link and number is of some help to you and your mother. I hope you keep posting and let us know how it is going.
Take Care
anonymous
#14 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hello. I've been reading some of the messages posted on this message board and have been quite glad 2 find that there are others out there with gambling issues. Isn't it strange how it can be so appealing in some kind of powerful, internal way, to hand money that you have earned over to a gambling source, that by definition will always beat you on a long term basis. Even more sickening is that quite often the losing occurs quickly, and when you do win, there is the uncomprehendable desire to put that money back on the gambling table at a faster rate.
I'm 20/ male/ live in New Zealand/ uni student. I don;t earn much money so do not lose a large amount, but its about proportion. It probably seems lame 2 claim that if I have money, I'll be bound 2 spend $5 - $10 each day at the pokies or at the TAB. Well it does seem inconsequential to me as well and I guess thats why I allow it. The fact is that about mid-afternoon every day I'll have the strongest of urges to bet that 5 - 10dollars, which usually is lost. For the life of me I can't understand where the desire exactly comes from, as after so long of betting it becomes monotonous in its own way, but so satisfying when you 'get' to lose that money. What becomes more baffling is that once I have won say $30 and go home I have an even stronger urge to bet a large proportion of the winnings.
How do ppl overcome this? Do they really ever overcome this? Any good substitutes?
anonymous
#15 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Welcome Greg
A lot of us are university educated and it has no bearing on these urges to gamble.The more intelligent one is supposed to be the less easy it is to understand why we do it but we do.I am like you a gambler of reasonably small amounts but having said that I have litle money and so cannot afford what I lose at the pokies. What it seems to prove for me is that I cannot deal with this problem intellectually -I need to accept the problem and get help and support which I am reluctant to accept because I love gambling.How mad is that.
Keep in touch with the site and the one helpful tip I find is that rule-Just for today. I do find more and more I can get though a day and then another one and fill my time doing other things. I am returning soon to where I can join GA groups and I knoe I will find them best as i am a competitive person who does not like to walk in and admit I have been gambling again even in the non-judgemental and caring group. You might want to try it yourself as one thing is for sure -the $5 and $10 will soon become $20 or $50.It is relentless and always gets worse not better if you don't resist.
Love and thinking of you
Dot
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