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Estelle
#1 Posted : Saturday, 2 April 2016 9:40:18 a.m.(UTC)
Estelle

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 31/03/2016(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

Its Friday and the thoughts of gambling have been strong today as it is usually a night that I would always go out and play the machines. I would tell myself only a 100 no more this never happened I somehow found more and even if I did win the greed would take over. I would sneak off to the bank so no one saw over draw my account and tell m myself this time only 100 and b before I knew it that would be gone to and so the process would repeat itself until there was nothing to take. Then the trip home would be what have I done how am I going to pay the money back? I know I would tell myself a loan that would fix it and it took care of the overdraft and usually I would get extra and the thoughts of gambling would reoccur its ugly self again. For the last 20 years this has been the pattern always broke always behind on payments borrowing money from people mainly my mother who till this day trusted in me and has always been there and look what I did lied to the one person who to this day does not know the depth of my gambling. I feel ugly in the fact that I didnt give a shit because I abused my mothers trust. today I went and visited her and as much as I wanted to tell her I could not bring myself to say something. You know whats worse I was just thinking even when I did have a win I didnt really win all it gave me was an opportunity to lie more and play again I know the road ahead is going to be a long one but I just want to express gratitude for the stores that are posted as I can relate to them and this is only the beginning for me and my journey.

itispossable
#2 Posted : Sunday, 3 April 2016 9:23:29 a.m.(UTC)
itispossable

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/04/2016(UTC)
Posts: 1
Location: auckland

All the best in your recovery journey, yes it is a long journey but 1 day at a time and you can get there.
For me my recovery could only really start once i had come clean to my family on all the lies i had kept to myself for so long,The stress you carry with those lies just weighed me down more than i thought. It is just so important to have support around you in recovery as I can't remember how many times i tried to do it by myself to pretty much be back on a pokie machine a few days later.

Take care
Estelle
#3 Posted : Sunday, 3 April 2016 10:09:35 a.m.(UTC)
Estelle

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 31/03/2016(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

Thanks itispossible I appreciate your feedback. Today I spoke to 2 more members of my family sharing the problem I have it is not nice and makes me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I hear what you are saying about coming clean with everyone to have their support but it is going to take me a little bit of time. For the coming week my goal is to get through gamble free Wednesday and Fridays they are my hardest days because im on my own. I noticed someone recommend a book called dismiss and to watch the video big gamble that is something I can do. One day at a time for me 3DGf
Estelle
#4 Posted : Tuesday, 5 April 2016 5:09:40 a.m.(UTC)
Estelle

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 31/03/2016(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

Question can anyone recommend good reading material to do with gambling? I'm not having much luck with the title Dismissed can you tell me the author please if anyone knows?
Estelle
#5 Posted : Thursday, 7 April 2016 10:43:43 a.m.(UTC)
Estelle

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 31/03/2016(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

7dgf I have ordered those books in at the library that were recommended I look forward to reading those. Feeling grateful foŕ the support gambling helpline team.
Estelle
#6 Posted : Tuesday, 12 April 2016 4:54:27 a.m.(UTC)
Estelle

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 31/03/2016(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

11dgf I have noticed that not many people use this facility. It is such a shame would have been nice to have had a buddy in this forum.
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