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ostrich
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

Hi all,
Been on Holiday to Port Douglas. Was great, a good healing time with my husband. Went to my conference at Sky City, delivered my session, went to the Black Tie dinner on my own, wanted to burn the Casino down or at least set off the fire alarm to get everybody out and rethink but managed to restrain myself... just.
Good news he still hasn't gambled since changing his medication!! It has been four months now. Our relationship has improved, the trust is still being worked on but I feel like we are working together now instead of against each other.
Have been reading lots posts for a week or so. Things are very disjointed aren't they. It has taken me about 4 days to remeber my password to post so I guess the logging in thing has its plus and minus.
Not So Lost where are you?? Hope all goes well.
Tegraboy it was great to see you check in. Well done. You owe it to the rest of your life to get it right now and you are on to it.
Caring girl, what a mess at the moment.Keep supporting your husband and don't worry about your family. He is the one that really needs and deserves your support right now, your family will eventually see that. Might be an idea to ask your father outright what it is EXACTLY he wants you to do. Leave your husband and bring up kids on their own? Maybe you need to let your father know that you agree that your husband has let everyone down but that he has turned it around and allowing you to salvage a normal family out of this.
fandango, great cricket scores. To you they are well earned numbers but to others they are proof.
Sandy, take a deep breath and settle down. Relax try to unwind. There seems to be a connection with your urges.
Kath, how is it going. Not easy to rebuild but easier than the deceit and constant barrier it creates. I can see that even clearer now as we come out of it. Build on the honesty and it will help all areas.
Glorp, didn't agree with your post, sorry. Sharing details is part of what helps us all get to know each other. We are a mixed bunch, always will be. Some posts will be interesting to some and not others because there are many colours in this tapestry of life.
ruth, just work on day by day. That is how they add.
taysh, read about your 'virtual' slip. Have you got gamblock? Slips are going to happen, that is why fandango has a cricket score going which I love to see as it is all still progress. I think the most important thing is to learn from it. What triggered it, what was the combination of circumstances and then you can put things in place to ensure you are secure in future.
survivor, good wishes to you and your family.
To any I have not mentioned or forgotten, sorry about that. Thoughts are with you
fandango
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
fandango

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 345

Ostrich, Wonderful to see you back posting. I know for myself the site is not the same without your wise counsel and unique brand of humour.
Caring Girl will be especially pleased as she has her virtual Mum and Dad back at a time when her in-the-flesh family are deserting her a bit.
Things will get better with your husband. It all takes time, but the building blocks are there and it sounds as though you are both well on the way.
a_caring_girl
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
a_caring_girl

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Posts: 101

Hi All

Ostrich great to see you back I am glad you enjoyed your trip Port Douglas is nice but very expensive I went there years ago and paid $14.00 for a chicken and salad Sandwich I nearly died, it was a little cafe but god it was still a sandwich, but I did like Port Douglas, did you see much else like Cairns Atherton, Atherton is just gorgeous I am a real scenery person. anyway I am glad you are all relaxed and things are good your end I am also glad you managed to refrain yourself from blowing up the casino, cannot say I blame you, I know with cairns casino they have stopped it now but they use to have free drinks while you where playing the machines, I remember my brother when he went he was so impressed with it, he sat there all night drinking, he was good as he took 20 dollars in change and only played when they brought him his drinks, him and his mates did it everynight for two weeks, it was spirits and everything, at the time I did not really think it was that bad, but now I think god it was another step to get a person addicted, to both gambling and drinking. I mean him and his mates where just being clever they wanted the alcohol not the pokies, but I imagine not many people use it in that way. Most would fall for the trick.

Well as for my parents I still have herd no word, My sister rang me today and said I need to ring them, I said I cannot they have hurt me I tried I sent an email it is up to them to ring me, She said well you will be waiting a long time then, and the longer you leave it the harder it will be, apparently they want the keys to there house back, gosh I may rob them or something, how nice is that, and the issues of my Husband and his brother are two separate things, apparently, and I thought well if that is the case how can you hold me responsible for what my brother in law has done, I gave them the only number I have for him, he is not returning our calls either what else am I to do, I would love to ring them but I know they will just scream at me or my mother will cop an attitude, I mean ever since I moved out here (my parents live an hour away) they have been a bit rude every time I rang, I have been called stupid for moving out to the middle of no where, I have been accused of abandoning my family, and it has been so tense I know my parents miss my eldest son they where close to him and he misses them, I have not visited as much as I should but then they have not visited us either and as my sister lives out here too, they have 5 grandkids out here, what other excuse do you need for a visit. I have been here nearly a year and they have visited twice. and that was at my sisters house. I think they have abandoned me.anyway I am not sure how to handle it I am 32 years old and absolutely petrified of my parents, gosh it is only a telephone I can always hang up on them, but they can hurt me so much in just seconds, even though I cannot see my Mum's face on the phone I can still see it if that makes sense, I also know my Dad he is the kinda person that if he was talking to me he would have rang while he was at work, but as he hasn't he is still mad, My Dad has always been the softer one so to speak, and when he ignores you, that really hurts.I am contemplating the email thing again, but I think that may just make them madder I am just to much of a wimp to talk to them, and the truth is I do not need this rubbish right now my husband is trying and he does need me more than they do, the other day I said to him, I feel like I have to choose between them and you, he said no there is no choice I would never ask you to do that, cause I know I would loose, it broke my heart cause he is right over the years, my parents have said some horrible things to him and I have always made him bite his tongue and he has done it for me, he has put up with so much,

Years ago when I had my eldest son, I had the salon anyway I had some time of work when I had him, and the girl working for us, she was not a nice person, and basically she cost us a lot of money we fell behind in a lot of bills, including house payments, anyway, we went to my parents for help we needed $2000 until we sold the salon, My parents are well off they have money but do not believe in lending it, my Dad said to my husband you have nice stuff sell it, anyway I was shattered, I had to take my new baby back to the salon, put the salon on the market and worked my but off, mean while my parents are bitching all the chemicals are not good for the baby, did they once offer to baby-sit, no of course not, anyway by the time we sold the salon, it took awhile to sell as it was bad time of year to sell a business the debts where much bigger, at this time my husband gambling started to turn from a social thing to a real habit, I do not blame my parents and neither does my Husband he knows it was his choice, but I do get a little annoyed at them, I mean they are all so family are everything, but when it comes down to it money is more important, anyway when we did sell the salon it was two late we where so far behind, we did not have enough money to catch up, I remember getting the cash for the salon I had worked so hard to build it from scratch it was nothing when I got it, and here it was $12000, all gone, we had fallen into the pawnbroker trap, to survive, we picked everything up paid what bills we could, and then tried again but it was the begging of the end, anyway what we did not know was house prices had sky rocketed in hindsight if we had known we would have re mortgaged the house, anyway in an effort to pay bills, my husband who had been working for the same guy for nearly ten years mad a deal with him over his long service he paid it to him early on the condition he went sub contract, meaning he pays his own taxes etc and super in actual fact it was way less money than what he was getting before, but it was more cash in the hand each week, so to speak and we tried to catch up, anyway by the time we realised how much property went up, nobody would refinance because my husband was sub contract, anyway we had no choice but to sell the house, we did make alot of money on the house, but we had alot of bills, we did pay them all, My parents did let us move into there house it is two story, downstairs was a mess, and we fixed it all up, we spent everynight there before we sold the house, putting up a ceiling, putting in a kitchen building rooms, some of it my parents paid for, but we also paid for a lot, anyway they now have a granny flat thing downstairs, before us it was just used for storage. I mean the work there is no where near flash but it is usable. I admit it was nice they let us live there, it was helpful but we also helped them, I mean even before we moved in there, they renovated upstairs and it was always my husband there helping my Dad, My brother never turned up, no other son in law ever helped him, once one of my brother in laws laid pavers and concreted the laundry, but my husband was there as well helping, every year my Dad puts on Christmas lights on the house they have a huge old Queenslander, My husband hates heights, but every weekend in November he is there helping my Dad and then in January getting them down, Every weekend my husband would buy Dad something new for his display, My Mum and I would do all internal windows, we always had some theme, and every year everyone said they would help but we where the only ones that ever turned up. anyway everytime anyone in my family has moved My husband always drove the truck, when my eldest sister was living in Sydney and broke up with her boyfriend, it was my husband and father that drove a truck all the way down there to pick her up and bring her back, I am sorry I am ranting but to me these are all things they have all forgotten and the list goes on, and I am getting angry at my self cause over the years my husband has done everything to make my parents happy, but they never give him a break they speak to him like shit and I never stand up for him, I just always want to keep the piece, I mean when we first moved into my parents, they brought a new wall unit for upstairs, anyway my husband gets home from work and my Dad is hey can you help me carry it upstairs, my husband said sure, anyway it had been raining it was muddy and the stairs where slippery and wet, and this wall unit was heavy, anyway they carry it upstairs get it in place and then my husband looks down he has mud on the carpet, anyway he apologise to my Mum and then says I will clean it up she starts screaming at him, how rude to wear shoes into someone's house, his mother taught him no manners, anyway he said nothing he cleaned up the Mud and went back downstairs he never went up there again, unless he had no choice and he felt so uncomfortable, next day my brother visits in his work boots puts his feet on the lounge and not a word said, I never said a word to my mother, and I thought she was being so rude, I mean he was carrying furniture for her what was he meant to do take his boots of what if he dropped it on his toe, honestly she would abuse my husband at a drop of a hat for anything if he forgot to put the bins out, or shut the main gates anything, and I always let her, I never stood up for him, only course I do not know how, living there was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made, I do believe it mad my husband gambling way worse, he never felt comfortable there, and if I was not home for some reason he would got to the pub instead. I do not blame my parents that is the way they are, but I do not think I should have said more and now it is not my job to come crawling back, I think I need to stand up now for my family.

So sorry I have ranted, but I must admit it has been very therapeutic, I hope everyone is doing well I will not address everyone this post cause I think it will cause the site to lock up as it will be so long, but you are all in my thoughts, but Fandango I am glad to have my Virtual Mum and Dad Back, I hope we can all get some of the comfort again from the site we once all did I do miss that. and our little virtual family is growing which is sad in the aspect that there are so many people dealing with this, but nice to know so many people care, ok I hope everyone takes care

12.02pm Qld Australia
survivor
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
survivor

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 60

I'm Back!

I have missed you all and have spent the last day reading all the posts. Interesting and thought-provoking stuff that I will leave the door closed on...

Had a wonderful time in Samoa...bloody hot though. Didn't gamble at all as there wasn't really any venues or places to tempt me...

The sentencing date is looming...27th October...so am still holding my breath..I am now 3 months gamble free!!! and very proud of it as this is the longest I have gone in over eight years so I am hoping that one day I will no longer have to count gamble free days...

I do not want to offend anyone by naming only a few people but I consider you my friends and want to know how you are doing...

Sandy... sweetheart hope you are well and working through your challenges as you work towards the road ahead...

Taysh...the only person you have to answer to is yourself...you know what to do and I support you 100% ...bankruptcy for us was a blessing in disguise...kia kaha wahine

A_Caring_Girl...thank you for sharing your stories I generally believe it helps everyone to understand the personal experiences of othersd...this is what links us to being human...

Ruth, Fandango, Ostrich, Tegraboy, Stephen_Katz, Kath and Glorp...I hope you are all well and saying strong

A little quote to think about:

"We are so accustomed to wearing a disguise before others that eventually we are unable to recognize ourselves"

I think I am beginning to take the mask off and it feels good!

Arohanui
Love and Light
Survivor

90/0
taysh
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
taysh

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 164

Hey Survivor

Welcome back. I have missed you on the forum. Congratulations on 90 days, WELL DONE!! You have a right to feel very proud of that, especially as you did that while there were some very stressful things going on in your life. Me I got upto 62 days before having a slip, but am back on the path now (three days and counting). I am determined to get beyond that count this time (taking one day at a time). Lovely to have you back Survivor. Have a great day.
sandy
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
sandy

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Posts: 621

Survivor it's so nice to have you back.
I know what I have to do but knowing it and doing it are 2 very different things.
I have come to terms with the fact that I am suffering from severe depression at the moment and need some serious treatment.
All I can cope with is looking after Mya at the moment.Yesterday I couldn't even get out of bed.
My husband is on my case to work full-time but I just can't.I get panic attacks just getting in the car.
I need some time to work on me getting well but he won't allow me that luxury.
I feel sick as I just want to say please give me your support and let me get well before I work.
Okay so financially things are tough,but like you always say they are only material things.
I've tried before to tell him how I feel but he just doesn't get it.
God I need to find some strenght from somewhere to stand up for myself.
a_caring_girl
#7 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
a_caring_girl

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Posts: 101

Hi All

Survivor it is so nice to see you back, I was think that it would be getting close to sentencing, I knew it was October, how are you both feeling about it all now? and congratulations on 90 days gamble free well done. I imagine Samoa would have been very hot but I am glad you enjoyed yourself.


Sandy, I wish I could give you strength, mine and your situation at the moment are so very similar, I know it is easier said than done, but I think we just both have to accept our families are the way they are and we cannot change them, so best just to ignore them I think, but then as I said easier said than done, you and I both hurt easily, and our families are important to us so there fore they have more power over us than they deserve, but remember you still have little Mya and she loves you to pieces, I think you should go see a doctor talk to them, see what they can do, I know it is a little crazy but do you have a family doctor, because maybe he can help you talk to your husband, I don't know sometimes if people hear a doctors point of view they are more understanding if that makes sense. I think you should just forget about work for the moment you are right it is only material thing, they will always be there later but for now you need to look after you.

Hi Taysh you sound a lot better today, I hope you feel better. I was surprised at all the posts today, wasn't sure where to post, so I am just posting everywhere :-O

Ok I hope you all have a great day and Take care

11.15am QLD Australia
taysh
#8 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
taysh

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 164

Hi Caring-Girl

Yep I am a little bit more focused today. I guess once the decision is made half the battle is won. Hmm I wonder if it is like that for gambling a bit. I mean really those first steps (or should I say those first 10 days for me) were the hardest. So I still slip, so I still struggle, but those first 10 days were hell and it's not that bad anymore. I'm trying to be positive today and I must admit having Survivor back is great and there are a couple of new people. The site seems buzzing and that always helps too, and everyone seems more positive.

Sandy I agree with Caring Girl. Go and get some help. When you are really depressed (as in a depressive episode) you know you need help. It won't get better on it's own. Go to your GP asap. We are all here for you.
sandy
#9 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
sandy

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Posts: 621

Thanks Taysh
I know I have to because I can't go on like this.Like I keep saying I just wish my husband would understand.
It's funny his best friend gets very unwell sometimes and my husbands tells him to take some time off work and get better,with me he takes no notice.
I have contacted the counseelor I was seeing today so hopefully she will help me find some strength.I was saying to A Caring Girl I should just have the balls to tell my husband and if he doesn't like it,he can try and kick me out of the house.
It's half mine and he keeps telling me to go,why the hell sould I?It's because of me we still have hte house.
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