Hi Ostrich and Caring Girl
Thank you so much for the advice and sharing your story. It really made me feel better then I have been in the last few days. I'm so glade that I joined this msg board, I didnt relise how much help it would give me until now. It honestly feels good to read about others situation and learn from it as well. Reading your guys msgs gave me hope that my partner can stop his bad habbits if he wanted to. I do live in NZ, i've been thinking of getting help al the time, but i never relise it was a problem until my son was born. I thought maybe when our son is born he will relise what he is doing is wrong, but i was wrong. And thing is he sure knows when to pick the right time to go gambling, and thats when im in a happy mood, but then not for long. HE will always deney it all the time. Which hurts the most. He promises to stop, but i always catch him. This may sound abit silly, in my culture some believen their dreams. And for me, I always have the same kinda dream about seeing dogs, and dreaming of dogs is a bad thing, it means someone close to you is going to do something wrong and lie about it. Everytime I dream of dogs, 2-3days later my partner is up to his bad habbits. At first i didnt realy care much for the dream, until it kept happening, then i started believeing them.
Like on Tuesday i dreamt of dogs around me. Straight away I knew my partner was going to be up to no good again. Thursday came, it was beautiful morning, he bathed our son, and let me sleep in, then he went to drop my nephew to kindy, i got up and got ready, as every thursdays we go pay bills and shopping. But not this time, 1 o'clock went by, then 2 o'clock. I waited for 3 hours for him to come home. Then I started thinking about my dream I had few nights ago, and all bad thoughts were going through my head, I was real angry. When he came home, ask him what was he doing, he lied of course and said he stayed at kindy with my nephew for awhile and visited a friend, but thing is I rang the kindy to ask if he was there, but they said he left straight away after dropping my nephew off. So i knew he was lying after lies. Then he admitted he went to gamble. We didnt talk that whole day, and thats when i joined this msg board. This is what it's like most the time. Sometimes worse, I would burst and scream and shout at him, i've even kicked him out of the house 3 times since my son was born. I've taken his gambling more seriously these days, because we dont have money to gamble away, we've got debt over our heads. We live with my uncle, who is a very hard working caring person, and he lets us stay for free, we dont have to pay for anything, and the bad thing is we dont even have money by the end of friday because of our debts. It's quit unfare and stupid. Because living in a free place, we should have money to help pay rent. Just writting about it, upsets me. And never once had my uncle asked for money from us. I feel ashamed sometimes to have a man who is hopeless. Lastnight I read Ostrich msg, and i really took it in, it's right what you say. He has to help himself. Cause I really dont want to live this way anymore, the only thing keeping me going is my son. He keeps me happy, as tiring as it is being a new mum, but I enjoy it. My partner is my first love, we've been together over 2 years now, Im 20 and he's 25, but he acts worse then a 2 year old sometimes. I love him alot, he's a good father and a good in-law for my family. Gambling is the one thing that ruiens it. Lastnight I cried myself to sleep, because I asked him if he wants to get conselling to help his gambling habbits. he said no and went to sleep. Since then we act like nothing has happened. I put a face on infront of him, but inside i'm hurting. Everytime i try to mention to him about his problem, he'll lower his tone, like he doesnt want to listen. After lastnight it's made my dicision easier weather to be with him or not. Tonight when he gets home, i'm going to give him a choice to get help or me and my son leave him. This decision i'v made is because of the advice Ostrich and Caring Girl gave me. I thank you two so much for listening out.
Caring Girl,I'm also really glade that things are working out for you now. Your partner has made a huge turn for himself but most of all for you and your children.
And thank you again Ostrich for your advice, it's really made my mind clearer, about my partners problem. I will no longer let his problem ruien me.
Takcare
PS: I'll probbably come back and write more, this is the first time i've confessed my problem.