Hey again Philiph
Thanks for replying
I think if Sue is willing to hand you her cards then go for it, I think everyone is different, for us I know taking everything of my husband would not have worked for others that is what they need, I know for my husband it would have built resentment, cause in his eyes he would have seen it as another failure, but if Sue is willing then go for it, I know for me we made the deal of basically he got a second chance so to speak, we thought ok give it a go working the money out as a team, if this does not work then I would take over the finances, as I say he has access to money and I still have to trust him a lot, but I would notice if he was gambling again as he did not have the control to say spend $20 it would be a couple of hundred at least and the way finances are at the moment I would notice that, I personally think it is something together as a team you keep reviewing, maybe take all cards, then slowly return them, I mean I personally hated the thought of my husband having no money, I mean what if the car breaks down or even a mate needs to borrow money, or he saw something he wanted to buy I wanted him to still feel like an adult not a kid on a allowance if that makes any sense.
I think it would be great if Sue wanted to post, My husband does not post but I talk about the site all the time to him, at first I thought yeah he is just going along with me talking about it but every so often he will ask oh how is so and so going?, quite often as I repeat stories from here he nods his head, he gets what people are saying and he has then gone into some little story about himself, I know for him it has helped him realise he is not alone and his behaviour was normal for someone coping with this addiction because for a long time he hated himself.
I personally think it is better to deal with the now get over the past and build your life together, it does not mean at times I do not get annoyed at our position money wise, but I do not blame him and I do not want him blaming himself, So yes personally I think with Sue you are doing the right thing, let her know what a wonderful person she is, I mean I look at it as gambling is a part of my husband it is not all of him, something's he did where horrible but he did not deliberately do it to hurt me or anyone he knows.
Oh and do not worry about being indecisive cause this is a challenge, but I think go with your heart only you know Sue, and I tell you anything you do to support her and be there for her will be right, and I think she is one lucky women to have you, but then she must be pretty amazing to converting a life long bachelor LOL.
Take Care