logo
Welcome Guest! To enable all features please Login or Register.

Notification

Icon
Error

lorraine
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
lorraine

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5

My partner has been weenig himself off gabling over the last 18 months has not been to Casino at all.
All well and good, has had the odd bet on horses but still is unable to spend just a little, spend big win big? is his attitude.
However his moods in the last 18 months is just about unbearable for me I am always doing the wrong things, I have to go from the house to stop being abused, his mood swings just as fast as you can turn around.
Could this be because of weening himself from Gambling.?
I have been trying to understand why he has been like this and had this sudden thought as above.
anonymous
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

Dear Lorraine--People with gambling problems all react differantly when they are in recovery from Problem Gambling. What you decribe sounds like the mood swings of someone who is still gambling big and with the words of gamble big, win big, sounds like this could be the case--win big yes but lose big as well hence the mood change.

Its not your fault, yet gamblers will always blame everyone and everything else except themselves, this justifys there actions.
I suggest that you call the 0800 654 655 helpline and ask for for support for you, you have been affected by this persons actions and need to let that go. we can't change anothers behaviour but can change the way it affects us.

your not to blame, your not alone, call the helpline for on going support 0800 654 655.

take care and keep in touch

The Great One
lorraine
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
lorraine

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5

The Great One,

Ages ago I had been in touch with the helpline, and they sent information booklets for me to leave lying around the house hopefully for him to pick up and read.

Even when there has been programs on TV at different times I switch the station but it gets turned to another station or the leaflets dissapear.

I don't know how to approach the situation without him blowing up.

Even if I do something special ie. for my birthday I did a special meal and Pavalova for desert something he really adores but NO he was not going to eat it, he said take it to YOUR FRIENDS.

I have not been back in Auckland for that long since leaving in 1984 to Bay of Islands and then the 14 years in Mangawhai. I came to Auckland to be with him.

At this time I did not know that he had a Gambling Problem he was OK in his moods then but at the time he was Gambling, as I told you yesterday he is weening himself off, and off he is, I don't think he realises that this could be the problem, just puts down to depession with his family situations

I don't really have anyone that is within 5 mins drive to go and see, and have a yak.

I will get in touch again with Helpline.


Thanks Lorraine
anonymous
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

Dear Lorraine--Good on you for calling the Helpline again, you do need support and ask the helpline about agencies who offer home visits, this I am sure will help you.

I think the most important thing to remember is all of this is not your fault and we can't change some else's behaviour, don't mean we have to put up with either.

Your comment "weening off and off he is "I don't really follow what this means--but in my experince weening off or controled gambling will still control mood swings as the results of ones action controls mood swings.

Don't get caught up in the trap of having to always walk on egg shells, be you , do things you want to do, if he don't want to be invloved thats his choice, do them anyway. live your life for you not for someone else.

Relationships are sharing the good and not so good, being able to say how you feel and having faith your partner will listen----my partner was close to calling it quits, she had just had enough of the moods, and lack of open communacation, she could say how she felt, I just said I'm fine knowing inside I was not, I had to teach myself to express my feeling, hard work but I got there, now it just happens--how--we gave each other 10 mins a day, "for us this was at the end of the day and talked about our day, I found it hard at first, but as time went on it bacame clearer and easy to do, now it just happens-- the key was I ws ready to do it for me.

Regardless of what happens--LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT, DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO, IF YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO BE INVOLVED ITS HIS CHOICE, NOT YOURS.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself you will be okay and each day give yourself one little treat and enjoy it.(could be just a soak in the bath)

take care and keep in touch

The Great One
lorraine
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
lorraine

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5

The Great One,

Thanks. What I mean't about off he is is..... his whole self and attitude moods everything, sorry!!!

Thanks for explaining even when wheening off you can still have these moods swings.

I rang the Helpline yesterday, on explaining the situation I was told, he should not be having these moods anymore, if it has been a while since Gambling.
"Did he need to go back to councilling", I said that he had been doing it on his own, but they felt this was the problem he needs professional help to get there.

They are worried about the situation and my well being, as they feel he could flare up and turn nasty, I know to that he could do this, he has a very nasty mouth on him and has tried to push me before very firey. The look on his face sometimes is very evil.

I am not a fighter or someone who even raises my voice or throws things, it is not the way I do things just quietly carry on.
This also makes him mad I know because he waiting for an excuse to really have a go at me.

He is not ready to talk about anything, just avoided me on getting home from work, "
"Do you want your dinner" NO was the reply shower and bed.

Mind you we have talked before, about other things, but it has to be when he is ready, but honestly it is like talking to a brick wall, nothing seems to remembered. Or he only remembers what he wants to then changes things around. I know I have a very good memory.....

I have just found someone to talk too, not far from me, so went to see her for 2 hours then came home and had my dinner.....My head felt nice and clear, just someone mutual to talk too.


Thanks Lorraine
anonymous
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

Dear Lorraine--Glad to hear you have someone to talk too, this is very important, talking about feeling etc.

Good on you for being who you are and not acting a role.

Well done for calling the help line, just to point something out from personal expereince, some problem gamblers do stop gambling for some time yet the moods swings are still very obvious, this is mainly to not replacing the gambling action with other things to do, so leaves a lot of down time and sadly nothing will change, so the help line was correct, but this must also be remembered.

anyway good on you and bee good to you.

take care and bee good

The Great One
lorraine
#7 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
lorraine

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5

The Great One,

I completely understand you saying that he should replace his gambling action with something else to do.
Unfortunately he has not done this, just the same old things and people that he is involved with, mainly drinking friends.
Must go.


Lorraine
anonymous
#8 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

Dear Lorraine--When one is in a relationship with someone who may have a gamblng Problem--recovery is a 2 way street e.g. not only the person with the problem has to replace the behaviour, so does the partner--a lot of partners/family memebers/friends spend too much time wondering what another person is doing instead of getting on with there own lives.

Very important to protect oneself re: finaces and emotionally, letting go or as it's known tough love and at times dirrecting this to oneself is hard work.

I will leave you with that.

take care and bee good

The Great One
lorraine
#9 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
lorraine

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5

The great One,

Yes this is what I have been doing getting on with my own life.

Went and did shopping on Sunday afternoon to meet up with the partner at another distination.

While on my travels later on. Who should come darting out in the path I just happened to be on, straight out, straight into me, of the you guessed TAB.

How long have you been in there. (Oh John's in there playing Pokies I'm going back in won,t be long) meet you at the distination planned earlier, I went there he never turned up.


Lorraine
Users browsing this topic
Forum Jump  
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Powered by YAF 1.9.6 RC1 | YAF © 2003-2019, Yet Another Forum.NET
This page was generated in 0.073 seconds.