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taysh
#121 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
taysh

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Hi all, not putting in a new post. I just thought it might be a good idea starting a new thread as the one used recently is getting a bit big to upload messages to (it's taking a while). Hope everyone is having a gamble free day. Take care.
jeannie
#122 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Taysh a very good idea.
Kimy today is a new day so look up and look forward to getting your stars today. Actually the only way to see the stars is too look up, as if we look down we only see the ground. We are all with you and know only too well where you are at the moment.
Take care everyone







k
kimy
#123 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie i am taking your advice i am going to the $2 shop today to get some.There is only one way up and i want to be there, thank you so so much for your feed back i dont know if you realise but your posting along with others is what is making me realise that i can and i will do this ,so once again a big thank you
taysh
#124 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone. Wow some good posting on the weekend. I thought I had checked on Saturday but found only one-two posts. I don't know what was wrong with my computer, either I didn't look properly or something went wrong. Anyway, sorry for not responding when some of you were going through some tough times.

Kimy and Sandy. I'm sorry to hear about your slips. I am however glad that you posted here about it. It means something when you admit to it. It is so easy just not to post that you had a slip, push it under the carpet so to speak. I think this forum works but only if you are honest on it. So well done for that.

I am glad you are heading off to get some stars Kimy. For me it isn't only a way of counting days. It's also a little reward each night for getting through a day. Putting a shiny little star on a day is a moment where I sit and tell myself well done. I look back at a line of stars and go wow, good going. I guess it's just a reminder to me to pat myself on the back for making it through another day. I found when I was just counting days that's all I did. I would look at the day and say, "hmm I was five days on Thursday so today I must be 9 days". It basically meant it was just a number and only when I told someone that number did I take the opportunity to say 'well done' to myself. Stars make me do it once each day and remind me how far I have come when I have lines filled with different coloured stars/stickers.

Sandy. Yes I live paycheck to paycheck but only because I kept slipping. During that period of not gambling I found I had money for all my bills and extra for socialising. I couldn't save much because I have to give money to my bankruptcy, but it was enough that when a social engagement came up I could afford to go without "getting creative with my finances". At the moment I am still firmly in the grip of payday to payday. That's just because of my recent splurge of gambling. It will take me a couple of months to get back on my feet.

Circadian and Hocko you should be proud of yourself for getting through the weekend with such urges. Circadian, I hope you dinner with friends was great. It's nice to be able to do things without having guilt feelings weighing you down.

Jeannie you sound like you are doing well. You have such a positive attitude. Keep going strong.

Me I had an OK weekend. Thanks to having no money I had minimal urges. I was surprised that I still had some urges even though I had no means to gamble. This is my 10th day today without gambling. It's payday this Thursday so that will be the tester. I am beginning to plan for it already knowing that Saturdays are my worst days for urges. I plan on grocery shopping on Thursday after work instead of Saturdays. I will pay all my bills that morning via internet banking. I am going to take out my fortnights worth of spending money and take it home. Once home I will take all cards and money out of my wallet, leaving only $10 in my wallet for things that might come up. I know that day will be a difficult one for my urge wise.

Have a good day everyone.
sandy
#125 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Thanks Taysh that was a really encouraging post and that's for sharing that like me it is payday to payday.I wondered if you'd completed your studies?I certainly want to be honest and consider a slip a lose even if you win money so I would post that as well.I can't believe what a difference being back on the site has meant.
I have been gambling on and off for 6 years now I couldn't believe it when I realized.God just the thought of the money I have lost makes me want to drive off a cliff.
Thanks again Taysh.
kimy
#126 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone wow this posting has really caught on ...good stuff. This seems to be a tower of strength.I hope every one else finds our new thread.Taysh your words of wisdom are awesome..what a good plan you seem to have put in place for pay day. I was going to go get the stars today but i now have no one to come care for my son for me while i pop out, thats okay because tomorrow when i do go get them i can sit down tomorrow evening with a coffee and place 3 stars on my calander. Woo hoo.Sandy we are in this together the whole lot of us. We will keep on suporting each other ,,
kimy
#127 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I am so mad at myself i am sitting here today with bills pouring in my mail box. I could have payed them but no i gambled them 2 days ago .When i was on the machines i won $1000 i left there with $1.50,,, the jackpot was not struck that did not matter i had won over that but nah i did not stop i did have a fight with myself about leaving but the addiction got the better of me. How stupid!!! Then i go out today to the mail box and wammo reality is in the mail box, Dammmmn,I have had enough i really have i need so desperatley to get my life back. These postings will give me the strength....
hocko
#128 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone,
Kimy, you hit the nail right on the head. Once you start gambling you can't stop until all your winnings are gone. We are all probably that way, at least I know I am, so when I get the urge I think about that and say to myself that no matter what I win, I won't leave the pokies until it's all gone. That usually brings me back to reality. This addiction is really a vicious thing and the urges take over and all reasoning goes out the door. Posting here has really helped me as well, as not only do I receive support, but I can also help others in the same situation. At least we understand each other. However, as most of us have said, Kimy, don't look back, pick yourself up and continue with this fight.
I had to go out this morning, and the urges started before I left. So, I emptied my wallet, put $20 back in to cover what I needed to buy, and left the rest at home. I'm now back from my shopping and beaten the urges once again. I also realised I couldn't let you all down by slipping and that helped as well.
Jeannie, Circadian, Sandy and Taysh, I hope you are going well.
kimy
#129 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hey Hocko i am so very proud of you...That is what i am going to need to do limit the amount i have acess to at any one time, i just can not trust myself at the moment. May not be able to for quite some time. I did hand my cards (all of them )over to my husband but because on saturday i threw such a hissy fit just so i could get them back because i knew what i wanted them for he has said nahhhhh i can have them cause he does not want the stress.So i need to put plans in place.
hocko
#130 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Kimy,
Have you thought about telling your husband why you want him to keep your cards and then maybe he won't be so keen to give them back to you. I held off telling my partner for a long time, but while he didn't know my problem, he couldn't really help me. So, even though I was frightened of telling him, I did and was really surprised at how understanding he was (even though he didn't really understand why I gambled). Now, whenever I want to use my cards, I tell him what I am paying for and then give the cards back to him. Most of the time he is with me when I use them anyway, and this has stopped me gambling as well as I know I only have the money in my wallet. It's only a suggestion and something that you need to feel comfortable with, but it may not be as bad as you think. Take care.
kimy
#131 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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HI Hocko, yes i did tell him about my gambling but that was last year so he thinks i have stopped...I feel like i have decieved him so much if i tell him i realy think he would up and leave me this time. Since i last told him i think i have spiralled out of control so much more i have borrowing off peter to pay paul for so long.
taysh
#132 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hocko well done. That is brilliant. Don't you feel good. It's funny how hard it is, but when you can do that it gives you a real feeling of achievement (well it should).

Kimy maybe you should approach your partner and ask him to learn about compulsive gambling with you, so that he has a better understanding. If he understood how difficult it is to quit, and how you are likely to slip sometimes he may comprehend the seriousness of this problem. The fact is that the majority of people who try to quit will slip up, for many several times. As I have said before if it was easy ... it wouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, I think if your partner had a better grasp of how hard it is to quit gambling, and how big a problem it is he may be more active in helping you. I think that partners of those who have had gambling problems will always be actively involved in all the family finances (as they should be anyway). It also means when you are struggling you can put up the barriers to gambling again simply by telling him you slipped, or are getting high urges and he has to take more control of the finances again.

I know you are worried and scared but how much more horrible is this problem because you are facing it alone. How worse is it because you are hiding it, lying, that dark dirty secret. It maybe something you need to think about as it is likely that he will find out at some point (especially if you have all those bills and nothing to pay them with). Better to hear it from you than debt collectors. If you were to show him that you are trying, have been trying and are willing to do anything (e.g., counselling, gamblers anon etc) you may find him more accommodating than you think (as Hocko did).

Of course I am giving my opinion here and I do not know your life or your partner. This is just based on many others on this forum who have tried to hide this problem from there partners. I am lucky that I am single so no partner to lie to. That doesn't mean I didn't lie. I lied to friends everytime I couldn't go out because I was broke. Lied to banks, parents etc to get gambling money. It's amazing how a generally honest person (that I usually am) could lie like a total trouper. I hope I didn't sound like I "knew it all". I certainly don't. I just know how stressful it is hiding it all the time.

Anyway, I'm glad you are still trying and recognise it's an issue. What you were saying about winning over $1000 and blowing it all chasing a jackpot that was lower. Man have I been there. It's utterly stupid isn't it, and shows how compulsive we are. I say truthfully if for some miracle reason I won lotto (which would involve a ticket being gifted to me, which then won - how likely is that - not), my first thought would be "lets go to the casino". Stupid isn't it. Gambling has nothing to do with getting money. If it was we would leave every time we were ahead. I just seem to spend my winnings.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a pleasant evening. I hope you are OK Kimy.
jeannie
#133 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all kimy, since reading your post I was thinking on the way too work about your situation, it is difficult where you are at the moment, take heart that we have all been there. For some reason those people who are close to us often know that we have been gambling even if we don't tell them or think that they know. it is not something that you can cover up, maybe once or twice or even a few times more, but it eventually comes out. maybe not by us telling them, but by our very actions. when we feel eaten up by all the guilt and the lies etc, it comes out.
When I first started on this gambling road I remember the many times that I would be on my way home and go to a public phone and ring home and say I was never coming home again, and eventually go home and face the wrath of my husband. I then would never tell him but he knew, and so did the kids, and the kids can still pick it when I have been gambling.
It is so much better if you can tell him as soon as you are able to. Whatever the reaction is you will be at least able to be more empowered to deal with this addiction. If you can be honest, then it is easier to be honest with yourself, and arrest the path that this addiction takes us on. It is difficult to see pass the inevitable outcome of first coming clean with your partner, but if you can and get his support it is so much better.
A friend of mine had to tell her husband about her gambling when her husband was organizing a trip away and she had to inform him that they didn't have the money, by this time she had gambled thousands of dollars from his business. They are still together and he did support her.
If you ask him for help and somehow get him to understand as much as he is able to. If you do or don't tell him, what ever you decide is going to be tough, think on it. Whatever the outcome will be, which will be the best for you to overcome this addiction is perhaps the deciding factor.
What taysh has said is so true. Kimy please understand no one is judging or telling you what to do, all I can impart is what I have experienced and found for myself.

Turning our lives around is going to have some very difficult terrain to go through, then on the other side of that if we don't turn our lives around we will just keep going through difficult terrains without ever having the ability to get out of it.
Diamonds are tried by fire. Think of yourself as a diamond, and what you have to face as the fire, after which you will sparkle like you have never sparkled before.

I am on night shift at the moment, so it is the very small hours of the morning that I am posting so I hope this post makes some sense.

Anyway, another star today.

Tomorrow will not be without its challenges, one of my sons' I am sure is way out of control with alcohol. I have been worried for a while, but then the evidence last night confirms it. He wants to talk to me and he is vey distressed. I am not sure how to manage this, except listen and try together to come up with some ideas that might help him, and try not to solve it myself, or appear as though I am telling him what to do.

MORE STARS FOR ALL OF US TODAY, Take care
circadian
#134 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hey all
I have to go to work, so just a quick post to check in... I am doing fine, no slips. Good to hear from all of you. Will speak to all of you soon. Take care!
taysh
#135 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all

Jeannie I was thinking after reading your post, of past posts regarding your sons. It seems as if addiction may run in your family. There is some evidence of an 'addiction gene' where people are pre-disposed to develop addictions. That doesn't mean they will, just that they have a higher risk of developing such addictions. I was thinking it may be a good idea for you and all your sons to sit down and discuss addiction as a whole. How to recognise it, when it is getting out of hand, strategies for managing stress rather than turning to maladaptive coping strategies. Ways of avoiding too much of anything, such as how often do the boys go out drinking with mates and how they drink when they are out. Are they in the presence of people taking other substances and are they tempted? Just questions like that. Acknowledging that there is a predisposition there and thinking about how to avoid it may help them do exactly that in the future. I know for myself that I have a predisposition to certain addictions. Never had a problem with drug or alcohol, so those chemically induced addictions don't seem to be a problem. However the emotionally induced addictions (with the reward system chemicals in the brain in play) I do have a problem with. I don't think it was a coincidence that as I started my gambling career I finally got a hold of my binge eating (another compulsive behaviour). Anyway, just a thought.

Day 11 for me.

Take care everyone.
sandy
#136 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all.My urges are very high today and I am going to have to be very careful.Feeling absolutely lousy.Taysh you never said if you completed your studies.Kimy I know how hard the husband thing is mine has never forgiven me nor did he ever want to understand.Hope you get your stars.Well done to all of you.Hope I'm not the one having to post day 1 again.
kimy
#137 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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i have just been up and got my stars (exciting) so i will place them shortly.Hang in there Sandy day 3 for me did you slip yesterday?
kimy
#138 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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p.s i will tell my husband but am going to wait until i have paid off some debt he would flip if he knew just now. So i need to consentrate on paying my bills for a wee while. I tried to see if i could get some money out today but no way would it let me. God loves a trier aye
hocko
#139 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone,
Sandy, hang in there - you can get through today. Kimy, I'm pleased you've got your stars and will also tell your husband at some stage. You are making progress, so keep it up. Why don't you ask your bank to reduce the limit on your debit card so that if you get an urge, you can only draw out a lesser amount than usual. I did that and it mean that if I did slip it was less damaging than it used to be. Jeannie, I have to agree with you about addictions being genetic. My family has a history of alcoholism (but not me) and two gamblers that I know of (I'm one of them). I now understand how the others felt and realise it is a sickness. I hope and pray that one day, with the advances in science, they can pinpoint people with addictive personalities before they get to the addiction stage and do something to fix it. Circadian, good on you and we look forward to hearing from you when you have the time. I'm on day 11 and so far so good.
sandy
#140 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Kimy no I didn't slip yesterday mainly because I have no money.I have got through today for the same reason.It is certainly going to take some weeks to repair the damage I have done.
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