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oldman
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
oldman

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 30

Brother!! as in my brother has had a gambling addiction for over 20 years, hes golf clubs are now worth over $1,000,000... Yep, thats how many times hes hocked them to get money to waste... He also lost our house and owes me $60,000. He hit rock bottom, had councelling, stopped councelling, drew on his superannuation, bought himself a $35000 car, and here I am still paying a mortgage for a house I dont have. I dont understand this selfish mentality!!! Right now I hate him. He is very selfish, I have lost total respect for him, do not trust him at all. WHY??? He is a smart guy, he is a teacher for gods sake, he could have done so much with his life but has wasted every cent he has ever earnt, and now he has wasted my money and did not attempt to repay me when he received his superannuation. Are gamblers always this selfish? I just dont understand this mentality at all. HELP!!
cantstopmyself
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
cantstopmyself

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yes, Gamblers will gamble untill all is lost, that is when they cannot gamble anymore. A hunger that never ends.
Never lend money to a gambler, no matter how much they beg to change. They will only gamble it.
toomuch
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
toomuch

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I hope u can get your finances back in order perhaps talk to a lawyer a/ bank ruptcy or somehow to stop having to pay for a house u dont have if your brothers name was on the loan they will go after him if you file. gamblers always lie and hurt others close to them not on purpose but they cant even stop hurting themselves, it is a continues destructive behavior perhaps a personality disorder. even when you know you have a problem and want help it is a long road to recovery.. anger and hate is not good for your own health, focus on you and pray for your brother... I wish you peace of mind, life can be so unfair, and u dont deserve the suffering
cantstopmyself
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
cantstopmyself

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Posts: 14

But how can you stop this behaviour? When there is no money, they go borrow it from loan companies. When they get paid, they spend it all or use it to pay off the loan. When no more loans, they take household items, some that belongs to you to the pawn shop. What the hell? This has happened to me so many times and I feel like i have to do a stocktake of all the things thats in the house daily to make sure nothing has gone to the pawn shop to fuel this nasty habit.
leo
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
leo

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Posts: 26

this is my 13th day of being gamble free. My self I want to quit, but I have had urges, stress trigers urges and may have an urge sometimes just out of habit I have been going to a web site called safe harbor alot of people there who used to gamble but are now gamble free some for 10 years now. it helps as a support system. I started my journey with this information from the internet.......Part 1: Identifying Compulsive Gambling


Do you think you have a gambling problem? Perhaps you know someone who might be suffering from this debilitating addiction? Compulsive gambling is a problem that can affect anyone, regardless of their income, age, sex, race or social status. Some people believe that people who gamble too much are always of a certain income level, or race, and that is just not true!

Nobody sets out to become a compulsive gambler. No one thinks that it can ever happen to them. After that first trip to the casino, race track, or video lottery terminal, nobody thinks that they will become addicted to it and risk everything they have in order to feed their addiction.

The following story, illustrates just how easy, and how innocently compulsive gambling can begin:

Susan had it all; a caring husband, two school aged children, a nice house in a good neighborhood, a great job and loving friends. Despite everything that Susan had, she put it all on the line after her first social visit to a local casino. It started innocently, with a girl's night out that ended up at the casino, Susan's first time. She put ten dollars on her lucky number 21 on the roulette table, and as she watched the wheel spin, her excitement built, until... the wheel stopped on her lucky number 21!

After an evening of fun, and gambling with her girlfriends, Susan left the casino with $500 in her pocket and a feeling of exhilaration! A week later as her wedding anniversary approached, she hit the casino again to have a repeat performance of the week before in order to buy her husband a nice present. This time, luck was not with her, and Susan walked out disheartened, scared and with $2000 less than when she walked in.

It started very simply, as it often does, but Susan soon found her self in a cycle of compulsive gambling that would ultimately jeopardize the life that she had worked so hard to build.

It's an all too common story; perhaps you recognize parts of your own story in Susan's tale? The simple, almost innocent introduction to gambling? The strong desire to repeat the winning performance, and feel the high again? There is a unique story for everyone who becomes addicted to gambling, but throughout all the stories, there are a few common threads that ring true.

If you are not sure whether you are a problem gambler or not, you can take the 15-question test on my website and find out in just two minutes.

Compulsive gambling is a serious addiction that can affect anyone, from any walk of life. But it does not have to be a life sentence. You can escape the grips of gambling and walk away, resuming your life, free from the addiction. You do not have to live your life in this iron grip, there is another way.

Before you can escape the grips of compulsive gambling, you need to understand it. So many people think that a gambling problem is about the money, that the addict is money hungry or greedy. It's so much more than that, and in my next email, I'll open your eyes to what compulsive gambling is really all about.



Part 3: What Is Your Profile?


What type of person becomes a compulsive gambler? Many people falsely believe that only those of a low socioeconomic status will become afflicted with compulsive gambling. However this is just not true! Regardless of your economic status, job, race, sex or age, it is still possible to become a compulsive gambler. Even people who are financially affluent develop gambling addictions, which prove that it is not centered about wanting more money. The truth is that gambling addictions are based on the rush of winning, not the money that may or may not be won.

There are two types of gamblers who develop problems:

The "Escape Gambler"

This person is trying to forget or run away from something. It could be their current way of life or present situation. Such a person will gamble to feel better and avoid looking honestly at their situation. Simply put, they use gambling as a way of escaping from their lives. Escape gamblers generally suffer from low self-esteem, or a poor self worth. They may appear self assured and confident in public and when gambling, however on the inside they are secretly scared and nervous about their lifestyle.

Oftentimes when an escape gambler enters the dangerous cycle of compulsive gambling, it has been brought on by a trigger, perhaps a fight with a spouse, a bad day at work, money problems or even stress.

Escape Gambler-Marcus's Story

Take a look at Marcus. Marcus was a young man who did not have a huge group of friends but was quite close to a few long-term friends. He suffered from the typical teenage angst and often felt like he did not fit in during high school. He suffered from a lack of self-esteem and low confidence most of the time, unless he was participating in his favorite hobbies that he excelled in. After Marcus turned 21 he discovered the blackjack table at the local casino and also noticed the amazing feeling of power every time he placed a bet. When he sat down at the blackjack table he got a sense that he finally fitted in and belonged to something.

Soon, Marcus fell into a deep cycle of compulsive gambling. Every time he sat down at the blackjack table he felt great! But when he walked out the doors at the end of the night, he felt worse than when he started. He started to experience bouts of depression and his self esteem reduced even more. He withdrew from his family and his close friends. He also stopped participating in the hobbies that once brought him so much pleasure and shut himself off from his support system.

Marcus is an example of a compulsive gambler who used gambling as an escape. He already suffered from a lack of confidence and low self esteem, and it did not take him long to fall deeper into depression when gambling came into his life.

The "Action Gambler"

The information mentioned above is not to imply that everyone who gambles is depressed and suffering from low self esteem. In many cases, the exact opposite of an escape gambler can be drawn to the gambling habit. This may be because they suffer from self esteem problems deep down, or hide their feelings well. These people thrive on the gambling high, and they are often referred to as action gamblers.

Action gamblers are often outgoing personalities who are hard working and very generous. Their friends and family are often a high priority and they appear to be very sociable. However, gambling changes such a person. If you fall into the cycle of compulsive gambling you may find that you sometimes withdraw from the friends and family members who were once so important to you. You also find yourself ignoring the activities that used to bring you joy. In sum, you begin to retreat inside yourself.

Action Gambler- Mario's Story

Take a look at Mario, who is a different type of person altogether from Marcus. Mario is a young man who is very outgoing, friendly and fun to be around. He has lots of friends because he's a lot of fun and makes everyone feel important. However, despite everything that he has going for him, Mario has also found himself addicted to gambling. His game of choice is poker. He started playing occasionally but soon began to search for more games to add to the online poker.

While Mario has a lot of friends, he will often lie to them about his wins, or brush off his losses to downplay the significance of his addiction. He has begun to distance himself from friends and family members who ask too many personal questions. Mario is certainly in great danger of falling deeper into the gambling cycle.

Two very different personalities, yet both suffer from a similar gambling problem. This does not denote that every gambler can be easily placed into one of the two categories but these are generally the most frequently occurring types.

Knowing which profile you fit into can help you better understand the mechanisms of your gambling problem, as well as identify the forces that keep you trapped in this vicious cycle.

Part 4: Myths And Truths About Compulsive Gambling
Today, I have prepared for you a list of the most common myths about problem gambling. Have you been buying into any of them?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MYTH #1 : Gamblers are just low-lives who can't get their act together.

FACT: Gamblers are just like you and me, and as a rule, have above average intelligence. Problem gamblers have a combination of good and bad personality traits just like the rest of us. (from www.azccg.org)




MYTH #2 : You need bags of willpower to quit.
People think of will power as if it is a weapon against won't power - something external that you have to summon up with all your strength to beat evil forces.

FACT: Willpower is not something we are allotted certain amounts of. Willpower is the consequence of the recognition that addiction cheats you and devastates your life, combined with the realization that you can overcome it, reclaim your freedom and recapture the joy of living. When you recognize that, you will regain your willpower.
(adapted from Joe Griffin & Ivan Tyrell, Freedom From Addiction)




MYTH #3: "I'll never manage to stop, because I've failed every time before".

FACT: Contrary to popular belief, the more times you try to stop, the more likely you are to stop your problem activity eventually. Here's the good news: although a quarter of people may succeed the first time, in general, the more times you hit an obstacle, the more you are learning what works and what doesn't when handling your gambling problem. So, don't dismiss all the learning you have done by calling it failure! Past attempts can be stepping stones to ultimate success, if we use the lessons that can be learnt from them!
(adapted from Joe Griffin & Ivan Tyrell, Freedom From Addiction)



MYTH #3: "That's just the way I am".
This is a form of liar's poker that is played by people who do not understand the real fun inside the game of truth. Moreover, it's one of the most dangerous mindsets a person could have when fighting an addiction or compulsive behavior. Most people think they weren't born with things like willpower, or a strong sense of purpose, or whatever, and that they're helpless over their conditioning.

FACT: Let's face the truth - people change and reinvent themselves all the time. Admitting that YOU CAN succeed (and being certain about it) is the very first step you have to take when fighting your gambling problem. Without believing this, how on earth can you take the next step?



MYTH #4: "I am helpless" (see also: "I am powerless")
This is a lie to the soul. It runs deeper than any other lie and its unconscious mission is to kill the spirit. (Steve Chandler)

TRUTH: The truth is that we have so much power, it sometimes scares us. We are powerful, but say that we aren't. Usually people say they're helpless just to stay out of action. We use it in order to remain passive...Taking action when it comes to fighting addiction implies dealing with discomfort, facing discouragement, withdrawal and so on. Taking action means getting out of our so-called "comfort zone"...and we don't like that.

then I asked myself these questions and answered them............What caused my addiction? I was stressed out about the bills coming in knowing I had more going out then I had coming in. Gambling was fun at that time and I thought I had a chance to win money and maybe a lot to pay bills and boom all my problems fixed. I quit for awhile and then I had a great emotional pain of loss and started again this time it was numming my pain of loss puting me in another world.

Why can some people walk away from addiction, but I can't? I just dont want to face things anymore, It occupys my mind Because I just dont feel Like I have anything I love to do anymore.

Why did I choose this type of addiction? I didnt know i would become addicted. the internet was easily accessible. It was fun at first until i lost control.

How do you end your addiction? I must face paying the bills. Every Friday I will pay a bill. I will start a scrap book of my daughter celebrating her life. I will trust god that she is happy in heaven and live my life so I may be with her again.

Well, look closely at the first part of the equation. This is the missing puzzle piece! Uncover and eliminate the hidden Blind-spots, and you will be well on your way.

Next, you will need to restore your self-esteem and your level of coping skills.

Third, consider changing your surroundings!

I also go to safe harbor website for support. A lot of people there attend G.A. To join GA meeting: call GA Hotline: (888) 424-3577
To join Safe Harbor Online meeting:



- from Safe Harbor website homepage, click on Compulsive Gambler Room

- scroll down to where you see login….. type in your name that you want others to see in the Username block,

- no need to enter password.

- Click on “login” button.

This is all I know. I am still on my Journey to Recovery, I hope this helps.
legz
#6 Posted : Thursday, 29 December 2011 1:16:00 p.m.(UTC)
legz

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Joined: 29/12/2011(UTC)
Posts: 2

i too am coming to terms with this addiction which has totally torn my family apart. Was I or am I that gullible to think this could never happen in my family? And then finding out 2 members of my family are affected by this addiction. How could we as sisters not have seen it? I know that my mother did what she could to help by paying some of the lost or should I say taken money so that my sister avoided being charged. But this did not solve the problem. My mother did not tell us, until she realised that all of her hard earned savings were totally depleted, and it was a phenomenal amount, by the other member of our family someone we trusted and loved. They used my mother when she was sick and was not able to do things for herself to take what was not theirs. The lengths that were taken to intercept mail so that they wouldn't be caught out. The terrible and ugly accusations that they made to try and shift the blame. Its been a total head spin. My mother died 10 days after finding out her savings had been wiped out. The day before she passed away she said to us, they need help. We have had a family intervention, and come to them with options. they promised us they would get help. However now they refuse to answer phone calls or emails. I feel so much resent, and yes dare I say it hatred.
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