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noi
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
noi

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 80

im new to this site. i have been living with a gambler for 7 years but didnt realise it until we already had 1 child. it really flared up just after our second pregnancy when we had twins, i only stayed with him that time because i couldnt cope with the babies on my own. we did go to councilling and i believed he wouldnt lie again (gamble maybe but not lie if i asked directly about it) it flared up again at christmas he is going to meetings through salvation army and said he will look at ga. is there somewhere to get legal advice to minimise his affect on the family? i spoke to the lady at ga yesterday about weather i should say no lotto or anything from here on, she said no as long as he doesnt go over a pre arranged amount it would be ok, isnt that kind of like telling an alcoholic 1 drink is ok?
markymark
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
markymark

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Sorry for you that have to deal with partner who is a gambler. NO as long as they still gamble and you still have problems. You need a serious decision otherwise you have to live like this.
i am a gambler myself.
but i am a gambling free for now but still always in my blood if i have one hit and i will be there as i was.
he will never stop lies coz that is a gamble you are talking about. so far the gambling is the most important for him so anything else is second so sorry to tell you that.
i was destroy two relationships already during gambling addiction.
you need to save yourself first and then your kids and you have to make it your own sorry but will be the best for you as my advice.
love and support
noi
toomuch
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
toomuch

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Hi there, the 'lotto' thing is an interesting question.I go to GA meetings and it has come up in discussion but we are divided on it.
Strictly speaking ANY kind of gambling is dangerous to someone with a serious problem -because it can lead down the slippery slope.However I found the instant hit of the pokies highly addictive and do buy a 'lotto' ticket now but nothing else.
I hate to state this but:Do you have separate bank accounts?
You need to protect yourself and your children.Citizens Advise can arrange free legal counselling.As for GA some meetings are 'open' that means that gamblers attend but also 'support' people can come along.You might want to accompany him to a meeting.
As a gambler I lied and procrastinated a hell of a lot.It was always "I'll give up tomorrow!"
GA has helped me alot... not just with quitting gambling.
anonymous
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

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Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

How many times do you have to say when and how many chance should one get? Sick of the lies and the promises. I just want to understand it. I must admit, I enjoy the odd pokies and visits to the casio...but have the will power to walk away. I have been with my partner for almost ten years and things have gone from bad to worse. It never used to be like this but now he keeps so many secrets that when i find out and confront him, he just says sorry. Sorry doesn't mean a thing no more. He has left and came back telling me that he's had enough but then it starts all over again. I love him and want to help him. Do you think it's worth going to GA meetings together?
oldman
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
oldman

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 30

Hi Toomuch,

It sounds like a really rough time for you. Trying to stop your partner from gambling when in fact he may not want to stop yet is very hard. Trying to make anyone else do something that they don't want to do is hard.

What supports do you have?
Do you yourself attend counselling or would you like to?
What can you do for yourself to protect your assets and your credit rating?
Is there anything that you can do differently that will not enable him to gamble?
If you would like support feel free to call us at the Gambling Helpline, 0800 654 655.

Thank you Toomuch for sharing what you are going through. Please remember that there is support out there for you and that you are not alone.

GH Admin.
maxigirl
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
maxigirl

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Posts: 1

hi Toomuch...
yes, most people can walk away, I used to win a lot and walkaway.

but there will come a time, win you win big, the taste of the big rush is overwhelming.
And then there will be a time, you keep playing untill its all gone, and once you knew you can win big, you will keep on playing to try and get it all back.
then eventually, the deeper you go in debt, the deeper the obssession it becomes to win it all back.

He just need to cut his losses, and can never be trusted again with money and casino alone.

I am 11 days free now, its feeling better and better. But i still dont trust myself going there, and I never will.
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