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kath
#21 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Sandy I hope everything is okay with you.I must say I'm feeling a little bit more determined today than I have been the last week.I have a renewed sense of "let's take on the beast".In truth I think I've snapped out of feeling sorry for myself and gone back to Skyman's "If it is to be, then it's up to me".Please stay in touch even though I know you are going through a terribly rough patch.
Thinking of you and hoping your okay.
Regards Kath.
sandy
#22 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Kath I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better.The rough patch I am going through Kath is of my own making and that's what I am finding so difficult to come to terms with.That extra money I had could have bought so much and I don't think I will forgive myself for blowing it.I went window shopping with my husband on Sunday and it made me feel sick.Kath I hate the dam machines I never want to go near one again but I just don't seem to be able to pick mysef up this time.Like I say it was the fact I had looked at my money as a new chance and then screwed up again.I honestly have no desire to gamble again but Kath I think it's too late.Did you get yourself into trouble with your trip or were you able to cover it?It's funny Kath I've lost before but it's never felt like this.Thankyou so much for your posting and I'm so glad you are feeling so positive.It was a lovely surprise to get your email today,that was one thing that certainly made me feel better.It's funny Kath but as bad as I feel I get really excited when I hear from you.
kath
#23 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Sandy, I'm glad to see someone is glad to hear from me.And when I said I'm feeling more positive it's a case of just feeling better than I did last week.I am still unsure of where to go from here or how to get there, but I guess it's just the"get through one day" thing again.It's so hard is'nt it.
To answer your question about the money side of things, no I'm not in any major pickle, but that's not making me feel any different about it.I'm so disappointed in myself for going at all.I think even if I'd had a huge win I'd still feel this way because it's not about the money at the minute, it's about me and how I feel about myself.
And as you said you have no desire to gamble, that's what scares me. I do!!!!! In the middle of hating myself I still want to go.
SO very stupid is'nt it.
Anyway take care of yourself until we next talk.
sandy
#24 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Kath it is not stupid!One thing I've noticed is the number of people that make a posting about how desperate they are and they get responses from Dianne (although haven't seen any from her in a while)TGO and Skyman and then they don't seem to keep posting.I think Kaths it's because they have gone back and are too embarrassed to say so.I underestimated the power this has on my life and Kath although I don't feel like going back at the moment you and I both know from experience that can change so quickly.Perhaps we are the exceptions we can talk openly about how we feel and don't try to use anything other than our feelings to dictate our behaviour.Kath I will tell you soemthing the first gambling counsellor I went to told me.At the time I thought it was the most pathetic thing to say but looking back it was dead right.He said sometimes Gambling is all you have and if you take it away totally the effect on you can sometimes be so dramatic you need to only gamble what you can afford to lose.I thought where is this coming from,but now I know what he was trying to tell me.Kath I really need you at the moment as you're the only light I seem to have in my life and a lot of that has to do with the honest thoughts you share with me.I think everyone thinks we have this relationship that is exclusive to anyone else helping us.Yes we do but I did hope that others could also offer opinions but it seems to be just you and I.That is why I told you what the counsellor said although it goes against anything we've heard the one thing with me was it gave credibility to how bad I would feel.I know with your husband it is very difficult for you to post and email, but as long as we communicate when we can that's what matters.Is that what you meant Kath when you said you were glad someone was pleased to hear from you because we seem to be flying solo at the moment.I hope it's not because your husband has found anything out.I'm here if you need me and like I say your postings are the highlight of my life.
anonymous
#25 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hello Sandy, NO I haven't gone back and I am sure I never will. I have answered your post b4 and then when the response came you two always address each other so I didn't want to push. Sorry if I have offended anyone. I haven't posted in a few days because my grand children are coming from Hawaii and I have been remodeling the inside of my house and my computer was unplugged because of painting in the room. I hope things will get better for you and Kath. I know it is hard sometimes, but you have to keep fighting. Don't ever give up. I seldom think about gambling anymore, don't know if that is good or bad. I have gotten involved in so many other things I don't have time. I think sometimes that it is going to hit me really hard and I hope I can handle it when it does, but more than that I really hope the thoughts never come.

A thought for today,

" When life throws shoes at you.... at least pick through the best ones and try them on for size!

yeah, life is difficult,...things will come at you left and right... the message I'm sending with this quote is, "do not give up, have a positive outlook on your circumstance, and make the best of it...you may learn something new or come out with something great."

May God Bless and keep you each day.
skyman
#26 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Kath

Just want to ask why you keep beating yourself up and saying you're stupid. Human, yes, stupid, no :)

Take care
sandy
#27 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Sorry Dianne I certainly didn't mean to imply you had gone back,I just missed your postings and quite sad I guess at not hearing from anyone except Kath when I feel so bad all the suicidle thoughts returning etc even though I don't want to go back to the horrible machines.Once again my sincere apologies if I upset you.I think Skyman and TGO are both annoyed with me as well.
Thankyou Dianne it's nice to hear from you again and WELL DONE!
anonymous
#28 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hello Sandy, I except your apology. You know talking about suicide I was there one time. Thank God I didn't do it. Nothing is worth more than your LIFE. That is what the BEAST does to us though. I can tell by your postings that you really do want to stop. It is not easy, Nothing good ever comes easy though. You just have to continue trying each day. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Before gambling what kind of things did you like to do? Really think about it and start doing some of those things again if they are healthy choices HA HA. You can beat this addiction, but you really have to get the desire, and the determination. I guess the one thing that has helped me so much is my husband being so supportive. I thank God for him everyday. This has really brought us closer than we ever were.

I don't think anyone is really upset with you. Like Skyman told you "you are human NOT STUPID".

I will be praying for you. All things are possible with GOD.

Another thought for you,

" Each failure is simply another chapter to the story of our lives. To fail is to understand what not to do. Remember it and don't give up until your goal is achieved."

Take Care
kath
#29 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone, Just wanted to let you know I'm okay and got through another day unscathed.And Sandy you are also the highlight of my day and my rock.
Skyman why do I keep saying I'm stupid,hmmm.....let me think, I have so many wonderful things in my life yet I keep returning to something that makes me feel totally miserable.Does'nt seem to bright to me.But one day at a time huh.
And Dianne I truly apoligise if you feel Sandy and I only address eachother.That was never my intention, it's just she has been somewhat of a lifeline to me, but I do appreciate your poems and hearing about how you are getting along.
Take care all.
sandy
#30 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi everyone funny but I don't miss the machines at all and ironically I was in so much debt anyway what I lost would have made no difference.I have to somehow try and turn my life around.I can bankrupt myself and protect my husbands part of the property which would make things easier each week and start from scratch.I had a meeting about it and although it sounds drastic it maybe an option.Dianne you are so lucky to have the support of your husband.Like I have said before mine blaims me everyday and I can't live with that anymore I guess you have to go through the storm to reach the calm.I'm going to have to find some strength to do that as I can't keep going this way.What Kath said is true we seem to be going through the same journey at the same time and I think because our husbands don't know we seek solace from each other as we can't share with our spouses which makes our communication important.In saying that I agree with Kath although we really need each other we need everyone else as well.I guess Dianne it's like the support you get from your partner,you still share with us.Kath and I are like partners and we also enjoy the sharing or we wouldn't be doing it by postings we would email.
Please help me find the strenght to begin my battle.
sandy
#31 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Please someone help and give me some advice.
skyman
#32 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Sandy...

You wrote "I think Skyman and TGO are both annoyed with me as well" I can't speak for TGO.. but I'm not annoyed with you, or anyone...

I've just been flat tack doing assignments!!!!
skyman
#33 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
skyman

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Hi Kath

Ok.. hard question time for you...You say that you have got so many wonderful things in your life, but keep on returning to something that makes you miserable....

What measures do you have in place for when you are feeling down???
skyman
#34 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Sandy

At the risk of sounding dumb, inside you is a great power machine. Like a nuclear power plant. All that's happened is you have forgotten how to turn it on.

Once you find the "on" switch, you will find it easier to deal with things. Only you know where the power machine is, and only you can turn it on.
anonymous
#35 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hello Everyone, It is 8:46 PM Thursday here in North Carolina.

Skyman, good advice to Sandy. OK Sandy let's turn that power machine on and keep in running.

Hope everyone is doing well today. My grandchildren are on their way here from Hawaii. They took an economy flight so have a lay over in Vegas (of all places) have been waiting to hear from them tonight but so far no call. I am so excited about them coming, they are moving over here and will be staying with us for awhile untill they get settled. We will be picking them up in Raleigh NC Saturday morning.

I had another friend call me today &amp; ask me to go play the pokies and I said NO. She said I thought you would have started back by now. I know I will have to stand firm with her. I told her we could go and have lunch or go to a movie but no gambling for me. She hasn't realized yet she has a problem. I have tried to talk with her but can't reach her at all. The sad thing is I introduced her to the pokies. It really makes me feel terrible. Any advise on how to handle this situation with my friend, don't want her to get in the same rut I was in.

Well better go all, Take Care, God Bless each and everyone until next post.

A thought for today:

" The Goal in life is not always fast paced but steady &amp; consistently paced. A great deal of the time it's not who is the fastest but who endures and finishes. Do what it takes to FINISH!"
sandy
#36 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
sandy

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Thanks Guy's I wish I had your confidence skyman and it is really nice to hear from you and Dianne.I am feeling very alone at the moment and it's an awful feeling.Please try and keep in touch with me!
sandy
#37 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Kath
where are you? and more importantly are you okay?
anon
#38 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Sandy
Stop being a drama queen - move on.
sandy
#39 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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anon how dare you come on this site and think you can judge people with no knowledge of what is going on in their lives.For those of us struggling this is a very helpful medium to support and share. Your comment shows extreme arrogance and clearly you have nothing better to do with your life than undermine those of us with the courage to say how we are feeling.
sandy
#40 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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skyman, TGO, Kath and Dianne I would really appreciate your feedback on the comments made by anon to my postings.Do you agree with him/her?
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