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#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 May 2017 4:29:11 a.m.(UTC)

Rank: Newbie

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Joined: 4/05/2017(UTC)
Posts: 1
Location: Auckland

Hi, I'm new here but I am reaching out as I am so unsure what to do. I found out my partner had a chronic gambling habit about 3 years ago. I was shocked but he kept arguing that it was his money and that he wasn't in debt. I was upset because we were meant to be building a house and a future together and after some rocky weeks he agreed he wouldn't gamble again. In November, after we had got engaged and I had put all of my savings in to our new build, I caught him gambling again. I was again, so angry and upset. I never would have put all my money in to the house if I'd known he had been deceiving me. He was meant to have been saving up so that he too could add to the new house. He had zero money saved. Again I stayed and said we would work on it and he agreed to go to counselling. But this week bills bounced and we had no money as all mine is tied up in the new house, we are paying rent and mortgage and horrific child support to his ex and we simply had nothing left. And I just exploded because I blame him. I can't seem to get past it and I can't seem to forgive him. It lurks in the background fuelling my resentment. This week I made the big mistake of telling my mother and a friend who are now putting me under pressure to leave and I just don't know what to do anymore.
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 May 2017 11:37:15 a.m.(UTC)

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 24/11/2015(UTC)
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Kia ora SoLost.

Welcome to the Gambling Helpline forum.

It sounds like your partner's gambling is impacting on your quality of life. Your partner's gambling seems to be out of control and he appears unwilling, or unable to stop.
I can appreciate why you would feel betrayed and hurt, by your partner's deception, to hide his gambling addiction. It sounds like you are now, between a rock and a hard place, deciding on what is now best for you and the future.

SoLost while it may seem that telling your mother and a friend was a mistake. Published research suggests that talking about the challenges of living with an addicted person, to someone close to you, can be therapeutic. It sounds like your mother and your friend have good intentions. However they are been judgmental and resorting to problem solving. Which it seems is not helping you but making your life more stressful at this time.

SoLost I would encourage you to contact the Gambling Helpline for support, 0800 654 655. We are a 24 / 7 service and always available.
Thank you for sharing.

The Gambling Helpline Team.
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