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kath
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Wanted to start a new thread for anyone, anytime. For those who gamble, are in recovery, are partnered with a gambler. It does'nt matter how many minutes,days, months or years.
At the end of each day who cares who posts where.
ANYONE, ANYTIME
anon
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I care.I don't want to post under "Those effected" when I'm a gambler.
kath
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Then that's excellent and feel free to do just that.What I was saying that there are plenty of threads open to post under so choose one that you feel comfortable with and share what ever it is that you want to share.
anon
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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What one would you suggest I use if I decided I wanted to start counting?
kath
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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This one. Or start a new counting thread. Do it where you feel comfortable
anonymous
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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hello there.
well i think i have achieved a small feat by fighting an urdge i had yesterday. However i think all these years of struggling with gambling has most likley cost me a future with the person i love and respect. Yesterday after combating this urdge stress, and guilt of gambling I think has finally brought my partner to his wits end. Its not the gambling or the money i have lost over the years it is my inability to let go what i have done. I constantly stress to him out and his ability to cope with my mood swings has lead him to leave me last night. Its not that he has given up on me but there is only so much of a persons depressive behaviour a person can take.
I have done councilling and have tried to fill my life up with hobbies but i have never been able to take shake the guilt. My partner wrote a wanderful post here recently about unconditional love and at that time i was functioning fine. Now for some reason i have slipped into a depressive state and i am struggling to pull myself out of it. Now i think it is too late and my biggest fear is how i react to these changes. In light of these changes and what my reaction may be i have transferred all money i have acess to somewhere safe. I thought I was dealing with it all fine but does unconditional love override years of guilt? Obviously not!!
anonymous
#7 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Unconditional love, it is never to late to pull yourself out of it. I am pressuming you are talking about the depressive state you are in here. The depression you fall into is huge and you may not be able to do it on your own. Go to your doctor and explaing what is happenning and ask about the option of anti-depressants to see you through the difficult period. Guilt is a huge cause of depression. I should know. I have been there and I guess still am but I am able to put it in perspective. Talk also to your partner about the move to try anti-depressants. If he can see you are making a positive move for yourself he may be able to hang in with you also. Take him with you to talk to the doctor. Let him feel he is invoved rather than feeling shut out. First and formost is get help for the depression. It is not going to go away on its own or by invoving yourself in hobbies.
Also keep posting. We have all been where you are also.
ostrich
#8 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Unconditonal love, Mmm maybe you need to look at giving yourself some unconditional love first. I read the post you talk about and was touched. I would think that the person who wrote that post is still there for you but do you know how exhausting it is to be that person? To be constantly on the rollercoaster. I do.
Give him some time away, If he is like me he will be watching how you deal with it.He is asking you to stand up to be the person you used to be and show him that it is not up to him to pull you up each time.
You have impressed me by immediately putting things in place to protect your $$. You had to do that for yourself, well done. Now look at the next step you need to take. Take a big deep breath and say right what do I have to do now.
You can do it, he knows you can do it and I know you can too.
ostrich
#9 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

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Hi all, hope I am in the right thread this time.

Justanothernotice day 3 for you? welcome to the counting.

Kath & Sandy lovely to see you to chatting again. Keep the faith!!

Caring girl, hope you inspection went OK. Dont be too intimidated. Some times people like your property inspector love their 5 mins of power and will take it for all they get. Goes round comes round.

Fandango, I know your work must be stressful right now but I think you are enjoying it because it is a healthy stress for you not loaded with the other part of your life that you used to carry too. Great to watch you growing.

tegraboy,you busy bee. slow down a bit. Remember to smell the roses.

verytired, welcome back. you seem more settled and focused. Proud of you for going through what you have been through and still making the hard choice to stop and sticking to it.

Anon, have you joined the counting? great that you want to join and look forward to helping and supporting you.

To others just reading, thinking of you, here to help.

I know the weekend can be very hard but remember we all have to sit on each others shoulders and if we face the problem arms linked then whole will always be much stronger than the parts.
Notsolost will be thinking of you ALL weekend.
anonymous
#10 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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I do understand the need to find the inner power to overcome and reslove my personal issues concerning guilt. It has been a long battle and sparitically through it have beeen moments that have been wanderful. The hardest task that i have had to face is keeping it wanderful. A negitive thought process is widly know to be a comon cause toward depreesion and in my case this is the case. my behavior is far to extreme and in an instant my mood can flip. There are common triggers that is responsible for this flip flop. For me this week it was geting paid and there is only $30 left after all the bills have gone out. Its not the lack of money that troubles me, its the behaviour that was responsible for this happening. Yesterday i had money in my account to pay the rent and it took every ounce of will power to transfer the money to where i had no access. Fortunatly i took the temptation away from myself and transfered it somewhere safe. More than having my partner back in my life, my biggest goal is to atleast have a long period of time that i dont have to struggle with that inner conflict. For the urdges and guilt to not even be a consideration in my day to day functioning. It is obvious to me that i need some sort of intervention. I have no desires to take anti deprressive drugs but i am open to working through this otherwise. I guess for me i know that my first step once again is to return to therapy. It may become apparent through therapy that i need drugs but i am hoping that i it does not come to that. It has been insightful to be able to express my thoughts and ideas through this forum without a face seeing your flaws or tears. To many tears have come from this old girl.... im trying to wipe them away for good!
anonymous
#11 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi All
Not really sure where to post but I will just post anywhere I guess doesn't really matter to much.

Well Ostrich the house inspection went well, I got a very Well maintained report so that is good, she was still a bit of a cow, she picked at one dirty handprint on the wall that I missed or could have been a new one, with two kids who knows. Then she told my son, I hope you tidied your room for me, or mummy did, I thought she was here to inspect the house not my house keeping. But it is over for another 3 months then she will be back.

Unconditional love I too read the post you are talking about, My husband gambled and yes at times the mood swings and depression get bad for the both of us, he too has payday blues as I call them, we feel rich in the morning but usually mid afternoon, almost all the money is gone, and we now have to wait a fortnight for more. But I try to look at it as , well if he still was gambling the money issues would get much worse, even though at times you cannot see things are getting better they are, but unfortunately they are little baby steps. I to am not a huge fan of the drug option, but if they are needed, then give it a go, I would definitely talk to your doctor But I think you should try everything else first. As a woman I think we need to vent so use this forum that is what I do, I go through my payday blues every fortnight on here, and then the day to day mood swings for the both of us, I personally think once you get it all out you feel a little better, and it helps to understand everyone is going through such similar issues, because for me at times I thought I was going crazy, but I come here and post and I feel not only better but normal if that makes any sense. I wish you and your husband the best of luck in your recovery take care

Very tired great to see you are posting again, How is your little Kitten going? I recently got a new cat he is 6 months old, didn't want a kitten with 2 young boys, no kitten deserves the amount of love they would want to give it where as a bigger cat can take the bolt if he does not want to play, he is a little cutie, he is pure white and really fluffy, he looks like a cotton ball with legs. he has a personality of a dog he follows me every where. Pets are always a pleasure to have around.

I also want to apologise to anyone who read my post to virtual (Guess who) the guy drives me insane, I know the post will more than likely be removed thank goodness, but I am afraid he brings out a very bad side of me, and I always regret posting the guy, but he makes my blood boil, and I post before I think, so I end up regretting it, I worry someone who really wants and needs help will think I am just as bad as him, and in someway I guess that is true, I should not sink down to his level I know I am a better person than that, but I just wanted to get him away from Betteroffdeads post because I thought this poor person has posted and He is taking the focus off them. I just need to learn to ignore him. I have now Idea what his beef with Sandy is and it irritates me, so again I am sorry and I will be apologising everywhere tonight because I feel just terrible I sank to his level.

Take Care

10.38pm QLD Australia
kath
#12 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Don't feel bad about it at all. It takes a huge effort to ignore him, like you I'm torn between feeling sorry for him, and wanting to throttle him.He does'nt have any real beef with Sandy I don't think, he just likes to play big man. Give him curry I love it.
And well done on your inspection, personally I reckon Qld real estate agents take it further and far more seriously than most other states.I've lived in four states in all and they are nothing like that down south.
anonymous
#13 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Kath

I know I just worry about other people who have know idea of virtual post reading and thinking what the. I mean sometime things do go off topic but usually it is just chatter, and I think most off us have formed a bond so we do sometimes talk about irrelevant stuff, but things like that do not look good to people who have never poste.

Yes and I am proud of my inspection, I have not rented off real-estate agent in 14 years, for years we had a house we rented of my husbands old boss then for a few years we had our own house I could not get over how much things have changed, the last inspection 3 months ago, I wanted to postpone because my grandfather had died ad I had to got to his funeral, so I rang the day before inspection and asked to postpone and told them why and they said never mind we will let ourselves in with our keys, she would not even give me a time so I could see if I could work around it I was fuming I know it is not my house nut it is my stuff in it, and I don't want strangers walking around when I am not home, So I got my mother in-law to come and stay her, I was hoping she would scare them of because she sure scares me, but this lady is one tough cookie she came back, so I need to find another way to make her want to stay away.
kath
#14 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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It may not be your house, but it certainly is your home and sometimes they need to remember that. Get the kids to hang off her after they've had loads of lovely chocolate or something.Or get your mother-in-law to bring some friends, if she's anything like mine that would scare anyone.
regarding what your saying about people reading and thinking you are like him, that would be impossible. Anybody could see the warmth and sincerity behind your posts and his speak for themselves so I don't think you need worry.
anonymous
#15 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Thanks how sweet, love the chocolate Idea I just may try that, My mother in-law has no friends she is scary I tell you, truthfully she does have a couple of friends but I have never met them 14 years I have been with my husband I have met no one all her family live overseas she has a few friends her she sometimes talks about, but I have never met them. So I think I may baby sit my sisters kids that day, 5 screaming kids and chocolate how much fun would that be, plus I might shove a pillow up my shirt tell her I am expecting triplets, When we first moved here we had no TV reception for 6 weeks took them for ever to fix it well actually they never did, we got foxtel so that fixed it, but I will say see what do you expect no TV I had to spend time with my husband this is your fault. Because it does amaze me what they think they have the right to ask when we moved in even the kids name had to go on the lease, then we were told if we have anymore children we had to notify them, so if we do have anymore children I will be sure to put her on the list of people my husband needs to ring at 3am, my wife is in labour I will ring you back to tell you what she had.
kath
#16 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Love it. 5 kids with triplets on the way, you'll never see her again.She'll just ring in from time to time to see if the house is still standing. You could even put in a claim for the cost of raising them as no tv made a contribution.I've never heard of needing to put childrens names on a lease, that seems odd.

And regarding the bond that people form here, I think that is the reason itself that you don't need to apologise.We all know when he's impersonating someone straight off the bat because by now most of us know who's, who.And
I'll only speak for myself when I say, your only saying what I'm thinking.
anonymous
#17 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
anonymous

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well I thought that was odd too the kids on the lease, but apparently it has all changed, and I do think it will scare her off, I am sure I can find three babies to baby-sit if she does come back.

Yes we do usually pick up when it is virtual posting under other peoples name, I actually held back alot of what I wanted say to him, I wanted to say quite a few colourful words to him let alone what I would do to him face to face, but truthfully he got me at the wrong time, I imagine you have seen on the new about the little girl in Perth, well abuse of children is something I feel quite strongly about and I am part of a group trying to change some laws, in Queensland, we do want to go Australia wide, but we are just starting off, anyway was in the middle of a letter and stuff about that, and I was not in the mood for crap like him. so he got me at a weak point, because him annoying poor betterofdead it made me mad because life is so precious and it is not nice to make fun of someone in need, and that poor little girl her life was taken from her, and it has made me really sad, about the kind world we live in.
kath
#18 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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Funny you mention that. I cannot remember being so touched by a news story as I have been by that. And close to home, being the mother of girls it's an issue we ourselves have had when they are out with my husband. It sickens me too my stomach. And highlights the fact that they need to have a parents room in every shopping center with toilets. I know what your saying about the world we live in, what does it say about were we are heading that a child cannot go to the toilet for a matter of minutes by themselves.
Sickening.
So hats off to you for being pro-active. Bless you.
anonymous
#19 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Yes I know I have always feared toilets in shopping centres, actually I fear shopping centres, I am one of those mothers that had the leash on my sons, bad I know but I always knew they where safe, and I will be using parents rooms until they are 18, but it would be hard with girls and dads, I have often seen fathers hanging around the toilets with there daughter I have taken a few girls in for them or gone in to check for them, but even with sons it still gets hard because there will come a time they will not come in with me they will want to go into the men's toilets and unfortunately it is just as dangerous for them, but what sickens me about this man he is a repeat offender and I think there is a lot of coving up going on there as with alot of cases of child paedophilia. Truthfully I could go on for hours it is something that does strike a bad nerve with me. and you know me I do rant.
kath
#20 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
kath

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rant away. And that's a point that drives me insane that this bloke did something similar and got off on a technicality 3 years prior. If they had of put him away properly the first time that little girl would safely be home right now.
They tell us that we bubble wrap our children and that we must let them go a little so they grow as people, yet in the day and age that we live in you just can't do it.
My kids are a little older than yours and I know I'm over protective of them, but I have to be.
As someone who's been abused as child I would do anything and everything to protect them.
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