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a_caring_girl
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
a_caring_girl

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Hi All

I was not quite sure where to post so I started a new thread.

Well I hope everyone had a great Christmas and are looking forward to the New Year, A New Year with new goals and a fresh start, 2007 is going to be a much better year for all of us, me I am happy to put 2006 behind me, but in someways I am still very thankful for my experiences, some regrets and some very proud moments, some friendships lost and some life long new friends made. All though a life changing year with extreme emotional and financial ups and downs I am thankful for 2006 and so grateful after 7 years my husband and I finally took that journey, although so scary at times it is no where near as scary as when he was still gambling. Even with him I see a change the fact that we can look forward and know oneday things will get better, instead of looking and thinking oh my god how can I ever make this better, if that makes any sense.

Although I was sad about the situation with my parents I still had a nice Christmas, the celebrations leading up to it where great, Christmas morning with the boys was fantastic but I must admit the rest of the day was a bit of a let down, just felt like any other day, I then got a little annoyed at my husband as he seemed to have a little trouble understanding why I was upset, your parents drive you insane at Christmas you should be happy we did not have to go, and you could have gone if you wanted, I said no I could not I was not invited and there is a huge difference in choosing not to go and not being welcome. It is bad but I was a little happy when my sister got back the next day complaining about them, hey that is the spirit of Christmas you all get together and drive each other insane LOL.

Well as expected the site has been a little quite, but welcome to Molly and Morag, good on you both for posting and I know you will find incredible strength and support on the site keep posting and take it one day at a time, it can be hard but with support you will get there,. I wish you the best of luck.

Taysh I hope you are enjoying your time of getting to do all the things you wanted to do.

Fandango are you home early? How was your trip?

Scorpio30nm Good on you for 9 days, on your way to your gamble free 2007 and best of luck with the loosing a few extra pound, My New Years Resolution is to stop smoking, I have conned my sister into stopping smoking with me we have our patches etc ready, I imagine New Years Day will be easy as I imagine I will be feeling seedy after New Years, hopefully I am as ready as I feel I am.


Ok well I am not sure who else is around at the moment but I hope everyone is well and I wish everyone a Happy New Year,

Take Care
taysh
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all. Well I only have three more days off work (boo hoo). I have been really enjoying not having to trudge into work each day and almost feel like my old self. I have to admit before the Xmas break I was feeling so tired all the time and have managed to catch up on a lot of sleep. I have also been socialising much more than I anticipated so am hoping for a quiet New Years for me so that I can start back at work refreshed (and not recovering - lol).

Today is day 70 for me (yay) and I'm very excited about starting a 2007. Although I have learned a lot in 2006 I can safely say, what with Mum's death and bankruptcy, that 2006 has been the worst year ever for me. I figure that 2007 can never be as bad and so am anticipating a great year (basically any year when compared to 2006 is going to look good). Also with my ongoing journey of gambling recovery, every day I feel like I'm gaining back some ground, some of my life that I lost to this addiction. Because of that I know 2007 will be great.

Caring Girl, I'm glad you Christmas was good. I know you probably missed the usual Christmas with your family, and I can understand how things may have felt a bit strange. I do wonder if you would have felt that way if you had been invited to your parents but chose not to go. I think you are hurting and have every right to do so. The fact you are supporting your husband is a credit to your values and strength and it seems to be paying off. You might have noticed a difference but I bet your kids still loved it. I've no doubt you cooked up an amazing feast.

Scorpio, great going you're back on the horse. Well done.

Fandango, welcome back. I hope your holiday went well and you enjoyed your break away from stress/work etc.

Molly and Morag, as Caring Girl says above, welcome to the site. I hope you get a lot of support and benefit from posting here.

Hagar, hope you had a great Christmas. I notice you were around to welcome and post to our new comers. Nice to know there was someone here reading the site. I must admit to being a little lax (compared to my 2-3 times per day checking that I normally do).

Good night everyone.
morag
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi ya all, it's nice to be welcomed . thankyou for the support
survivor
#4 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Dear All

Happy New Year and may it bring all the love and light that you all deserve into your lives... 6mths for me on Sunday, 6mths gamble free after 8years of hard gambling, bankruptcy and some other very hard hitting times (you guys know what I mean)

Well I did it....every single goal we set for December was met, we had a great anniversary, Xmas and we are going on our beach holiday tomorrow...what is even more exciting is that when we get back next week I am putting $1000 on a fixed term deposit, I know it doesn't seem alot but given what little we have had to work with and the fact that we had the two earning family members as the two addicted gamblers, I think it is awesome...6mths ago I would not have dreamed this possible

For all of you out there wondering if it is ever possible to stop gambling and rebuild your lives...it is, but it is also very hard work and yet the rewards are something I cannot put down in words...I no longer feel the same way about pokie machines, they do not have the power over me anymore and other things in life have become important once more

A_Caring Girl, Taysh, Fandango, Sandy, Ruth, Kath, Scorpio 3mn, Tegraboy, glorp, Stephen_Katz, Harger, Morag, Molly, Pattish and any others I may have missed...thinking of you all and reminding you once again to:

"Learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow as it is promised to no one"

Kia Kaha
Love and light
Survivor

Fandango, nearly 6mths for you too! Yay Taysh for 70+ days, good girl!
kath
#5 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all and a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Well 2006 for me looking back was something I feel like I trudged through but survived. So I'm going to focus on the positives that came from it and it's easy to do when my husband said to me that "he was glad we decided to work through this together and he's has'nt felt so relaxed and happy for a long time".
So that's my jackpot.

I've decided no resolutions this year and in previous years it's always been the obvious (stop gambling) and as that's already underway I decided not to make any, or perhaps my resolution is to continue to be happy.

146 Days for me and WOW how much a persons thinking and how they feel about themselves can change in 146 Days.

Have a great day.
fandango
#6 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all,

Well I am back home and in a bittersweet mood.

I am 134/166 today and I am pleased about that because it means I have had one slip in 300 days, which is certainly a record.

However, I have been very worried about money, mainly because I don't have any after my holiday (not a cent) and I don't get paid again until the end of the month.

My only debt is a $4000 personal loan at the bank, plus a $500 overdraft, so I rang the answerphone of the lending officer I deal with at the bank and said I wanted to make an appointment to borrow another $2000 so I can pay my board arrears to my sister, a couple of phone bills, a big car bill ($700) and basically have a bit of pocket money for myself.

They will probably grant my application, but I hate going in there, it feels like I'm begging, and it feels yuk.

They might also point out that I only got the last loan in October. But I have made it clear my earnings really dries up in January, so hopefully they will take that into account. I have got more money coming in at the end of the month, but nothing in the meantime, even though I will have work this month.

I am much more determined to be better organised this year and save for the end of the year. This time last year I was on the brink of several months of binge gambling after an awful Christmas.

I'm not in that space now. I still feel a bit stink, but hopefully that will pass if things go well at the bank. I'm not really that keen on being $7k in debt, but I don't have HP or credit card debt or anything, and in the past couple of years I have proven to the bank I can discharge those sorts of amounts relatively quickly.

Ideally, I would have like to have more time off work, I will have to start back in a day or two, but I should be grateful for what I have had already.

It's just the nature of my job is such that I would like to take longer off at this time of year when things are quiet because I can't afford to take off more than a few days at a time during the year as I'm self-employed.

I generally had a good day on Christmas Day even though I was on my own. It wouldn't have been my first preference, but I had to protect myself after last Christmas.

Anyway, I thought I should check in. Hope everyone is well and it's inspiring to see people motivated and pumped up for 2007. Once I get through this patch, I'm sure I'll feel the same.
a_caring_girl
#7 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
a_caring_girl

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Welcome Back Fandango,

So well done on your 300 days don't stress to much about your little slip at least you recognised your slip and used it to make you stronger from what you have said about your self I think you should be so proud of the fact it did not drag you back down, I think you should give your self a big pat on the back cause reading your old posts and from the time I have been posting you, you have grown and are now a person you should be mighty proud off.

I am glad you are at least got a short break, but I can understand the frustration of wanting more time off, That is the worse thing about working for yourself, my husband is the same if he don't work he does not get paid, worse bit is for ten years he was in a job that had holiday pay and sick days etc, he took off 2 sick days in 10 years, and as for his holidays he would work through them, cause he always wanted the money, anyway in our 14 years together we have only had 5 days off together and that is when we got married, how sad is that. Anyway now when he wants time off and he cannot. due to the money. but we did enjoy the public holidays so that was good. and hopefully down the track sometime.

I feel for you in the broke department though, as I am sure we all can, I know with us when I say I am broke I mean not a cent, and it can be hard and frustrating, so I really I hope it goes well for you at the bank another thing that is hard being sub contract trying to prove you actually earn money, but mind you banks are getting more helpful in that department, don't stress to much about $7000, It is not a huge amount to be in debt these days, but then I freak at $2000 on a credit card and I have a friend that owes $30,000 on credit cards how she sleeps I have no idea LOL, but sounds like you have the means to cover it. so don't panic.

I am glad you had a nice Christmas though, I know for me I was a little sad that it was not with my parents, but then I spent New Years with my sister and the drunker she got the more she said about what went on at my parents, so I was grateful to miss out LOL, and they actually never said a thing about me it was everyone else they where annoying, we actually decided next year we are spending it here her family and mine and some friends together, My brother in law said to my husband now tell me exactly what you did to make them stop speaking to you and I will give it a try. so I think both you and I should be grateful we avoided unhealthy situations.

Now I hope I have helped to pump you back up for 2007, cause in 75 days when all you money problems are settled you can say I have been gamble free for a year, and then this time next year you can say 2007 I did not touch a pokie machine. so look forward to it, 2007 is going to be a better year for all of us.

Take Care
anonymous
#8 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Happy new year!! It looks like everyone is doing good and this year will be a good one.14 days for me and no urges.Survivor congrats for 6 months I cant wait to get to that.Fandango you might be broke but doesnt it feel good knowing that its not because you gambled. december was very slow for me and I will also prepare like you for the end of the year.A caring girl good to hear u had a good christmas.Well nothing more to say except I really feel we will all have a nice year.
warlock
#9 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
warlock

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a gud new yearz to everyone herex
fandango
#10 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Caring Girl and Warlock thanks very much for your kind posts.

CG, you are a legend and I am sending you a special Fandango hug. You have pumped me up as on ly you can.

The bank manager rang this morning, having got my message, and has made an appointment for me to see her at 9.30 tomorrow.

I am taking that as a good sign, because she could have just said no we can't lend you any more.

But hey, it's January, and they need the business--it looks good on their sales figures!

I am like you in the not a cent to my name category, in fact I am 18c overdrawn (hahahaha). It will be mini-pizzas again for dinner tonight, but hopefully by the end of the week things will be brighter.

My pride suffers a bit knowing things are a bit pear-shaped, but one thing that is good about me is that I always somehow summon the courage to do the difficult thing like fronting up at the bank (not that I have much choice---although last time I went they approved my application in the blink of an eye).

I know $7k isn't a lot in the scheme of things---but it's $7k too much for me. But I hark back to five and 10 years ago when I had racked up debts of 20 and 30k and was in far worse mental shape to boot.

I am determined not to gamble in 2007, but I know to take it one day at a time.

Thanks again for your kind comments. At least if I get the loan, I can pay a few people, like my sister, and look in the mirror and say I'm doing my best.

Scorpio, it's great that you want to get to six months like Survivor, but like me and everyone else you have to tackle it one day at a time. Stay strong.
taysh
#11 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
taysh

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Hey all, Happy New Year. Fandango, I think that going to the bank so that you have money to live on is probably a good idea. It's awful being in debt but you have to remind yourself that this debt is different. How you might ask. Well, this debt isn't going to be spent on gambling and because you aren't gambling you are going to be able to pay it off. Not only that but because you are only 65 days off of a whole year (with only one slip) it shows you that by this time next year you will be organised for Xmas and have some spending money that you earned and saved and didn't waste on gambling. So all in all a good thing. I often to think that we are so terrified of debt because we all managed to get outselves in a deep hole with our gambling. However, we forget that just life incurs debt these days with most people owing money on credit cards, overdrafts, loans etc and they don't have gambling problems. So as you say $7000.00 isn't a bad amount to owe when you KNOW you will be able to pay it back within a reasonable amount of time. Glad you had a good break. I'm back at work today and like you wish I could have taken another couple of days off. Oh well, nose to the grindstone.

Caring Girl, sounds like your little family had a much nicer Christmas than if you had gone to yoru parents. If your parents keep up with their lovely 'hasseling' of your siblings you will probably end up having all your family at your place for Xmas except your parents (lol). It sounds like you escaped some stress there and had a lovely day with your kids and hubby instead. I also like that you and your sister are still getting along despite your parents, and it sounds like your brother in law was actually jealous of your husband that he didn't have to go ... what does that tell you? Hopefully once you get all your debt paid off (which I know you are plugging away at), you and hubby will be able to save for a family vacation some time in the future.

Scorpio, well done on two weeks. Keep going, we are all thinking of you.

Me I am 74 days today and feeling no urges.
fandango
#12 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Thanks Taysh as always for your support, and congratulations on your 74 days.

If they restructure the loan, it will just ease my stress and help me to get back into work without worrying every five minutes about money.

You are right, I am in better shape to repay it, so hopefully it will all work out ok. I am going to take the rest of today off and probably tomorrow morning since that is when I'm due to go to go to the bank. After that I had better get back into it so I can earn some money to repay this loan!

By the way, are we having a meeting tomorrow night?
fandango
#13 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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134/167
anonymous
#14 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Good day to all. 16 days. yesterday a co worker summed up how much we made in tips this past year and to be honest with you it got me a little depressed because it was a high amount and i know i blew it all gambling. This year though if god permits i will save all my tips or atleast do something good with them.past is the past, cant get depressed because there is nothing i can do to change what i have lost.I told my wife the other day, You know i am tired of saying "if only i didnt gamble this day or that day we wouldnt be in the situation i am now" and etc...From today I will erase all the negative things in my past and just think of the good things i am capable of doing. And like you said fandango little bit at a time.Have a nice day.
taysh
#15 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Scorpio. That's a great attitude to have. Congrats on 16 days. The fact of the matter is we can't go back and change the past, and in fact the past got us to this point where we are ready to quit. As horrible as the situations we find ourselves in are, we can only look forward, change our behaviour NOW. So having a new year for you is a great way to say I'm looking forward. With patience, and by taking one day at a time, in the future you will be able to look back and say "look how far I have become".

Day 76/62
anonymous
#16 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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thanks for ur support taysh.17 days. good day to all.
fandango
#17 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all,

Some of you might remember me posting earlier in the week that I had applied to the bank for an increase in my personal loan.

Well, they granted the application, and I wound up paying off a raft of bills: board, car insurance, phone bills (2)etc etc.

I bought a couple of things for me: a cd-dvd I've been waiting to come out for years, a couple of second-hand books, a concession card for swimming.

The amount I borrowed wasn't enough to clean everything up, but it will keep the wolves at bay until I get paid at the end of the month.

A couple of things I have done already which I am pleased about because they are new, is to buy a big money tin, and I am putting all my spare change in it.

I have also started buying christmas club vouchers for a local supermarket. Both these things are designed to ensure that I am not so desperate for money next holiday season.

I am quietly determined about this year, in that I want it to be unlike any other I have, chiefly in that I want it to be gamble-free.

I know I have counselled Scorpio and others not to look too far ahead in terms of targets, but I will still take it one day at a time.

I feel like I made a lot of progress in 2006 with my recovery, but my aim is to build on that in 2007.

I had my first decent gambling urge yesterday. Unfortunately I have put on 2.3 kg over the past two weeks and I felt I had undone a lot of the good work I had done with my diet before that.

I felt like I had been sucker-punched after I came away from the weighing room. I wandered around for a couple of hours, and I will be honest, I came close to addictive behaviour.

Something pulled me back, and I drove out to the salt water pool we have by the sea in my city and paid $50 for the swim card I mentioned. That was my way of dealing with the urge, and also a statement to myself that I would try and get fit again through swimming.

I also cruised around my town's second-hand bookshops and picked up a couple of bargains. So I tried to channelled those urges into something more productive and beneficial.

Today is a new day.

The alternative yesterday would have been to wallow and gamble, but I chose not to do that. I know I have eaten sensibly over the last two weeks, but I also know I drank too much wine and beer. So I'll be moderating that from now on.

Well, my holiday is over now, so it's time to be disciplined again.

Best wishes for 2007, one and all.
fandango
#18 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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PS: for those in Australia and NZ, and anyone else familiar with Crowded House, the cd-dvd I bought was their Farewell to the World concert in Sydney 10 years ago. A classic!
fandango
#19 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Sorry, forgot to post my days---134/170.
taysh
#20 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
taysh

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Hey Fandango. Sorry to hear about your weight gain. It's something that I thought I might make some changes in myself this year, although slowly. I know for myself that I have put on some weight over Xmas period, and despite the Christmas day pig out, it's not what I was eating. For me it was the fact that I was spending much of my time relaxing which included sitting on the balcony reading, watching dvds and coffee's with friends. Note no real activity in there. So I've decided to do a bit more walking as I used to walk everywhere. I know you were also having a relaxing holiday so I wonder if that also contributed. So saying that not only did you fight an urge to gamble, you actually channelled it into something very productive, a plan for exercise. And honestly swimming is the best exercise for your body as you don't put pressure on any joints etc. So good on you for making that decision at that time.

I'm glad the bank came through and you are able to pay enough to keep you going. I'm pretty sure that a month with no money whatsoever would have spiralled me into a bit of a depression, as it would limit me too much. I mean I don't have heaps of money but I can afford a nice cup of coffee with a friend each week and not being able to do little things like that would hurt a bit, especially as I am pushing myself into socialising (cheaply) more - something I really noticed when I quit gambling was that I had withdrawn so much.

Me, well I went out for dinner with friends last night. It was a very dear friend of mine that moved to Wellington a couple of years ago. Although we have phoned and emailed, we haven't seen each other since then. We had a couple of drinks and were trying to decide what to do. She looked at me and whispered "lets go to the casino" (she doesn't know about my gambling addiciton). I responded that I hate that place and lets think of something else. She started egging me on, saying "oh come on". She is one of those lucky people who gamble on the pokies very infrequently for fun - that is it isn't a problem for her. Her partner however is opposed to gambling in all its forms (I'm not sure why) and so she doesn't get to do it at all really, unless it's a special outing with an old friend (i.e., me). So I admitted to her that I had a problem and was going to GA etc. She was really good about it and apologised (which I told her she was being silly as she didn't know). She hasn't got a problem but even she admits she can feel the "pull" of the machines when she plays them and can see how easy it would be to become addicted. So instead we had a meal out, went to a coffee bar for cake (shared between us) and coffee and chatted until about midnight. It was a lovely night and I don't think either of us missed the gambling. To tell the truth I was having the opposite of an urge (we must come up with a name for that feeling) where I just really didn't want to go gambling. I wasn't scared to go into a gambling establishment. I fully believed that if she did want to go gambling I could watch her and not indulge. I just didn't have any desire at all to do it. Of course I couldn't anyway because I banned myself from the casino. Anyway, I thought that was a huge step for me and it gives me hope that I can continue to successfully battle this demon.

Have a good weekend everyone. Day 77/62.
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