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ostrich
#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

Hi notsolost; Thanks for sharing that, it was some thing I needed to know happened in other relationships. Sounds like it is almost the same for you. There seems no point in talking it out as it doesn't resolve anything. Funnily enough when I say encouraging things to my husband he just kind of looks at me and says well of course, told you I could, why do you keep bringing it up. (Then has a slip). Maybe it is a male thing that it is something they would rather ignore and hope it vanishes, maybe it is a female thing that we want it out in the open. Hard part for me is the mistrust. It is like a second elephant or maybe even a tiger in the room, that makes it hard to see if the first elephant is gone. Sometimes I think the elephant is sitting on me.
Like you I hope that the elephant will gradually waste away until we can't see it any more as I can't see any way of pushing it out the door.
notsolost
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
notsolost

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 37

Ostrich, I think you're right about the male/female perspective and I'm kicking myself for not seeing that. At work, I pride myself on being able to recognize and celebrate the differences that we all bring to the table whether male/female or being from different cultural backgrounds and yet at home, I guess I'm as blind as a bat! Of course, not all men and women are the same and stereotypes can be dangerous but studies have shown that we do have different communication styles. Women typically - not always, but usually - want to talk about our feelings and concerns while men typically - not always, but usually - focus on facts and figures. Personally, I would love to just have a little emotional support from my husband once in a while. In the absence of that, I'm darn lucky that I can find it here.

I feel so bad for you having to wonder whether your trust is misplaced. Don't know if it helps even one iota, but please know that this has helped strengthen my resolve to never be dishonest with my husband again.
ostrich
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

NSL , glad you took on board the dishonesty thing as it has made it so much harder for us to work through the gambling. Even an innocent question like how has your day been suddenly becomes a loaded question. Bit sad really.
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