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#1 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

Hi caring girl

I have typed out that chart for you. It should be in a "v" shape with the bottom of the barrel at the bottom of the 'v'

The Effects of Compulsive Gambling on the Spouse.

Stage 1

Occasional Worries/ Denial stage

Keeps concerns to self
Makes excuses for gambling
Accepts increased gambling
Consider gambling temporary
Easily re-assured
Questions unpaid bills
Unexplained financial crisis
Accepts remorse of gambler
Stage 2

Stress Phase

Spouse spends less time with family
Spouse feels rejected
Demands upon gambler
Attempts to control gambling
Provides bailouts
Avoids children family and friends
Stage 3

Exhaustion Phase

Intense resentment
Thinking impaired
Physical symptoms
Doubts sanity
Anxiety ¨C panic


Bottom of the barrel

Mental breakdown
Substance abuse
Suicidal thoughts and attempts



Stage 4

Accepts compulsive gambling as an illness
Honest desire for help
Accepts friends again
Stops giving bailouts
Realistic personal inventory
Guilt diminishes
Stage 5

Rebuilding phase

Deals with resentment
Self confidence returns
Increased self esteem
Realistic planning
Making decisions
Closeness within family
Recognizes self needs
Problem solving
Understanding others
Communications improved
Stage 6

Growing Phase

Helping others
More affectionate and trusting
Closeness with family
Sacrificing for others
Sense of achievement

Hope this helps you as it helped me to see what I was feeling was normal and I wasn't losing my marbles!
#2 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)

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Joined: 1/08/2012(UTC)
Posts: 1,640

Thanks for that Ostrich it is very useful, however I seem to be in a number of different phases, I was reading and thinking ok that is the phase I am in oh and this one oh and a bit of that, but it did help me see I am normal which is a nice feeling, I think the first 3 phases I have been through as I did it alone, meaning I knew he was gambling but he never admitted it, then when he did I think I jumped to stage 5 & 6 for a while, Now I am a mixture of stage 3, 4, 5 & 6 on days maybe a bit of 2 so I am all over the place.

It is funny you think you are doing well then something bites you on the bum, I read your post to tegraboy and I agree, when ever anyone spends any money on them self they feel guilty, the problem here is I think I am the one who feels the guilt, I have spoken to my councillor, and truthfully my husband has money issues that go way beyond gambling, like I have said numerous times we are struggling with money, but he insists on treating himself and truthfully it drives me insane, like last night he was on ebay and a cheap DVD player for the car was on auction, anyway he asked if he could buy it, it was $110.00, I was sitting there thinking yeah that would be great as our parents both live an hour away, and we do visit them, we have a 8 seater van and at time my sister and I take all the kids to see our parents, I thought that will keep them occupied how thoughtful, anyway I said ok, thinking we all need a treat, anyway he placed a bid then I said something like the kids are going to love that the trips will be a little quieter, he sort of looked at me then said I was buying it for my work van, I was shocked, I said why do you need that wouldn't it be more useful in our car, he had some excuse about how he needs it for work, and how he wants a better one for the family car bigger monitor etc, I was really peeved, then I feel guilty because he does work such long hours, and he works hard his work is both physically and mentally draining at times, but I just get peeved we are not picking up my ring this pay because we have to pay interest on his tools he hocked and we have to pay his petrol account because he did not pay it last fortnight (had to pay other bills).

I seem to be the only one that feels guilt about spending money, partly because I guess I think I do not earn it, but then I do stay at home and look after the kids, otherwise I would work, I have said before I am a hairdresser by trade and well my hair looks the worse it has ever looked I cannot do my own hair, I can do basic thing like colours and trims but it is in a desperate need of a style cut and I want some foils, anyway I keep putting it off thinking I cannot spend money on myself, but if it where my husband he would have no drama, and I do get a little mad, he is trying so hard but in some ways he has not accepted what he has done, sometimes I think I let him off to easy, I was always more worried about him than me, I guess. He still says he will go to counselling but my counsellor is on holidays for two weeks so he has managed to slip out of that for now, but I basically putting all my hopes in that, because for me now if he does not get help for his money issues I know eventually the gambling problem will rear it ugly head again and again, but I also know I will not put my children through it again and again, even when it comes to the money I do not care if I want or need something for the kids I get it they are not going to miss out, My husband earns good money so no way on earth are they missing out. and truthfully that is where I get my joy and reward from. So in someway they keep me strong and I guess we are lucky in the aspect of we agree the kids do not miss out.

Okay ranting again
Time 10.04am QLD AUS
#3 Posted : Thursday, 4 June 2009 11:15:00 a.m.(UTC)

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

HI K go to the top of this thread and read the first part about the stages.
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