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daisy
#1 Posted : Monday, 17 March 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
daisy

Rank: Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 12

Hi, I havent been here in awhile. Thank you Marky Mark. It is really good to hear from the other side, from someone who "knows" how the addiction feels and is recovered/recovering. It is a life long process, that is what is hard to swallow. As a non addict I have to realize I dont think the same way and therefore it will never make sense to me. I have compassion, but it just is so unfair whether the person can control it or not, the addictions control the entire mood of the family on a day to day basis. My husband is still going to GA, but once a week. My focus lately has been on the drinking addiction. When it involves driving, I really draw the line... I dont want alcohol in my house anymore. My kids are totally affected by all this fighting going on. I have apts with psychiatrists and counselors, school teachers,etc. Seems the people being hurt are the people being treated, and the person hurting just keeps thinking he can fix himself. Again, not right, but we take the life we get and make the best of it. I am planning a vacation without my husband to Disneyland. He doesnt like to fly anyway,so he wont want to go. I need time away from alcohol, and addictions and just focus on my children and being happy.

(Message edited by Daisy on March 16, 2008)
ostrich
#2 Posted : Thursday, 20 March 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

HI Daisy
I am the wife of a recovered gambler so I know where you are right now.
You cannot fix his gambling, you have no control over that, only he has.You can influence and pressure him, but it is only up to him.
SO.... you have to focus on what you can control and that is the effect of the gambling on you and your children and what you want for your future.
Do you want to be doing this for the next 5 years!! What will be the impact on the family by that point.
TAKE THE POWER BACK. Decide from a selfish perspective on what you want for you and your children.
You are in a no win situation, if you stay he gambles and the misery continues,if you go you are on your own, but at least there is a more promising future.
I chose -enough!! and actually moved him out.
What a wake up call. He had to face it. It was out in the open. Suddenly he realised that I was strong enough to go on with out him. I think he then stood back and looked at what my future would look like and had to look at what his future would look like with out him family propping him up.Scary!
For me, it was the best thing. He realised that I really was not going to put up with it and when faced with being on his own did a real self assessment.
He has now not gambled for nearly 2 years. We are still together, very happy and now i remember what a 'normal' life was because I have it back again.
Damage has been done but so has repair work. It is not the same relationship, but it is still a great place to be and we are still a family.
Without my being pushed over the edge, we would never have got to where we are today.
daisy
#3 Posted : Thursday, 27 March 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
daisy

Rank: Member

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Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 12

Thank you for posting.. I dont know from day to day what I want. Mine is not just 1 addiction, it is an addictive personality all the way around. My husband is an alcoholic, and he hides it and drinks alone. I dont know which is worse, the gambling or the drinking, or where to start. He has drank for many many years, I guess I just block out the times it is obviously a problem, and it wasnt always like this. I found a mason jar in the garage with the smell of a mixed drink and the last few drops in it today.. He lies, and the sad part is, he drives..... He doesnt want to think he has drank, so he just drives and thinks I wont notice. I always do, and he always plays it down. I know an accident, DUII, or me making him leave, or him losing a bunch of money are the only choices out there that will make him wake up.. Maybe "I" need to wake up!! It makes me so sick... Its like I know whats going on, to a degree, there are always lies and secrets, and I know what I should do, and I just dont make any decision that will help me and my childrens future.... I have 2 self help books, and a card with a counselors name on it. I also have an child psychiatrist apt for my youngest son, 12, who appears to be most effected by all this. One of us needs a push over the edge to reality...I am thinking its me since I can only control my own actions. Thank you
ostrich
#4 Posted : Friday, 28 March 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
ostrich

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 140

You got it in one daisy,
"I can only control my own actions"
I know where you are right now the light is just starting to come on isn't it.
I call myself Ostrich because like you I stuck my head in the sand. I look back and think how dumb was that. By staying he actually thought his behaviour was acceptable to me.
Only when I drew a line and acted did things change.
daisy
#5 Posted : Saturday, 5 April 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
daisy

Rank: Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/06/2009(UTC)
Posts: 12

How did you MAKE him leave. What if I ask my husband to leave and he wont? My husband also has a now close friend that is even worse off than him, well only because his wife has already left him, he is divorced, gambles, lost his job, got a duii and doesnt get to see his kid at all.. Doesnt seem he learned anything! yet my husband and him are good friends now, to the point my husband got him a job working side by side together...... never ending. He is always telling me he knows he shouldt hang out with him so much, but every day, same ol, same ol. I like the guy, but you dont hang out with people who help your addictions along.......
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