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idiotgambler
#1 Posted : Friday, 25 October 2019 10:50:32 p.m.(UTC)
idiotgambler

Rank: Newbie

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Joined: 1/03/2018(UTC)
Posts: 8
Location: Auckland

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I need to stop, end of the line. If i dont stop now, i will never stop.

ISSUE:

Ive lied, stole money, borrowed money from family, friends and girlfriend (different ones) over the past 20 years. I am now 36 and i NEED TO STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE HELP ME. Last night i dropped 2k just on pokies..WTF AM I THINKING.. and for the past month, ive lost close to 25k since the start of the year on pokies and the casino but mainly pokies. I dont know why i do what i still do. I have an issue and i seriously need help. Over the years.. i did stop a couple of years ago for about 2 years due to promising my ex gf that i would stop. But since we broke up in jan this year.. i went all out and lost control. Ive got a new gf and the cycle returns.. i vowed not to use any of her money.. but here i was in the last two months withdrawing more than 3-4k (ive paid it all back except for the money i withdrew from her card last night approximately 1.4k which i dont know how to repay). I am now trying to borrow money from friends to cover it all up.. again the lies.. im contemplating on telling her the truth as she doesnt know i gamble. I'm currently about 20k in debt to friends, owe a 25k car loan and have a student loan of approx 50k. I do not pay rent as my family is pretty well-off, im lucky in that way but then it is a nemesis as life is too easy for me. I have a pretty good job


WHY I GAMBLE:

Ive read many stories from other people on a few online forums and yes.. my reasons are similar. The boredom, the jackpot wins which i always tend to put back after a day or two and lose even more. It starts of all the same with me thinking "alright.. wouldnt it be nice to win a few hundred extra to spend this win.." and even if i do win that amount, i never walk away and lose even more of my own money. And as with others.. i just got paid 10 days ago ( i get paid monthly ) and blew whatever extra i have left after i have paid my loan on the car, car insurance, debts to other institution (approx 3k left..) and have nothing left. I have no idea why i still do it.. and i need to stop because my work in the future allows me to control company finances and having access to big sums client funds. This is definitely a worry as i cannot afford to lose my professional career that i have worked so hard to achieve in the past few years..


Where to begin... i was first introduced to gambling (slots) when i was around 16. Went to this bar in the city which never checks ID. At first the gambling was small, then i had my first taste of big wins $500 or more.. i mean back in the days it was a lot of money for a kid. My dad had some savings back then and i started stealing money (without him knowing) by stealing his ATM card and withdrawing money. I would have probably spent around 10k of that money when i was 16!.. i mean Christ who does that?? After that me and my first gf starting going to the pokies together and started gambling.. although not very big but overtime.. we had probably lost more than 10k (this was when we were about 18 years old).

I wouldnt go into more details because there has just been too much to list.. although i managed to keep away from gambling from time to time..i always tend to get back into it for no reason.. i think all up.. i would have lost over $200k to 300k over the last 20 years.. i mean WTF.. this is a deposit on a house..

I NEED TO STOP, I NEED TO STOP, I NEED TO STOP..

For gods sake.. i need to stop..
gambling_helpline
#2 Posted : Sunday, 27 October 2019 9:05:10 p.m.(UTC)
gambling_helpline

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 24/11/2015(UTC)
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Location: Kuala Lumpur

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Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
Hi idiotgambler

Thank you for posting on the Gambling forum and sharing. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge that you may be in need of some support. I would like to encourage you to also call the Gambling Helpline for support on 0800 654 655 if you would like to talk with someone, or you can text us on 8006 anytime; there’s someone available 24/7. We can also let you know about other support that is available, such as face to face counselling.

Kind regards
The Gambling Helpline Team
Ree
#3 Posted : Saturday, 9 November 2019 10:40:58 a.m.(UTC)
Ree

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/11/2019(UTC)
Posts: 2
Location: Brisbane

I feel your pain and Ive been down that road to - it's a wonder i didnt bump into you. Try to be nice to yourself! Tomorrow is a new day just try again....
Flipper
#4 Posted : Sunday, 24 November 2019 1:53:47 a.m.(UTC)
Flipper

Rank: Newbie

Groups: Registered
Joined: 24/11/2019(UTC)
Posts: 3

Hi idiotgambler. I know how you feel. At least coming and talking on these forums with others, that might be useful. Otherwise I think I would prefer not to know what it's like having been an idiot. You're only an idiot when you lose though, the times that you win you were a superstar. But unfortunately the pokies have a house edge of 12%, which is absolutely huge, and winnning sessions are extremely rare. I know that winning sessions are rare because I keep hitting new monetary lows when I play the pokies. It's obvious that I'm a loser if you look at my bank statements. Because I've played for so long I can without any doubt deduce that if I keep playing the results will not change.

Last night I played the pokies again and I'm not happy. I've played them a couple times more in the past month and each time I resolved that I'm not going to do that again. 2 days ago I played, I had arrived back in town early and couldn't visit my place of lodging for a few hours. I played the pokies to pass the time and it was a disaster. I thought I was ok, because it was an unusual situation and I forgive myself, but last night I did it again. Different reason and completely different situation. Again after thinking about it I forgive myself, but the fact is I CANNOT KEEP DOING IT, IT HAS TO STOP. I've been in bad financial situations in the past and gotten help and stopped playing the pokies, and I'm doing ok, but golly, I know only too well that if I allow myself to keep playing my finances will be a complete train wreck in no time. I tell myself that the quicker I get help and stop, the quicker everything will be ok again. Even though it feels embarrassing getting help again, the quicker you go through that embarrassment the less damage you will do and the quicker everything will be good again.

I gambled out of control and in denial for many years before one day I for some strange reason "clicked" and I realised that nothing will ever change. I had to stop. Before that I thought I was going to win a big jackpot one day and all my problems would be solved. One day I realised that it wasn't going to happen, that I was just a derelict gambler that would always be in financial trouble. That first time I got help and stopped for around a year with the help of an internet forum. That time that I clicked followed by my subsequent recovery changed me. I no longer wanted more money. I had realised that the only thing more money would do for me is give me a brief period of time longer on the pokies. From that day on I stopped even picking money up off the ground. Once I was walking with someone and saw $20 on the ground. I didn't immediately pick it up and claim ownership of it as I would normally do. I pointed out to my friend though that there was $20 there on the ground, and he picked it up and claimed ownership of it after I told him I didn't want it. This was a complete change in personality from me. Although lately, I think I have changed again while I'm not in the depth of addiction, I probably will take free money again. I think studying the share market and chasing value stocks has changed me back to being greedy again. I perhaps need to look at myself again. But I do know my attitude during recovery from pokies devastation was that it was better for me not to have extra money. It's a good attitude while recovering from gambling addiction.

Maybe you can one day see too that having money that doesn't really belong to you isn't good for you. More than one wise person has told me that you have more fun without money, and I've found that to be true. I joined a walking group which cost next to nothing and had a far better time than I ever could have playing pokies. The other walkers all take their own lunch too, just as I did. It was so cheap and you didn't feel like you were a scrooge.

Not stealing, and finding other things to do, is a virtue. I hope you can keep your career. If you are handling lots of money and you are a gambler, then it's going to be very hard for you. Ditch the gambling. For me it's just the pokies that I need to stop, but for many it's all gambling.

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