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exjafa
#1 Posted : Thursday, 27 February 2020 4:43:26 a.m.(UTC)
exjafa

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ok well my brain is a bit frazzled at the moment...
one minute it says good work and what a relief (self ban done yesterday)
then suddendly it's WTF have you done ...
Im not really sure which side is winning.
but honestly, I am already planning on doing a day trip so I can play again...
and congratulating myself for not being able to play at the local pokie venue.
is this the perfect solution for a problem gambler? right?
have I stumbled onto something here.... not like no one else has ever done that ah!! hahaha

I have gotten rid of my online free games as well ... I am missing them but for now, they are gone.

I am realising that I have more time on my hands already ... this potentially is a problem.
I have more time to think ... this potentially is a problem too.

what shall I do? I don't know.
I'm watching The Chase .. but thinking about what I am missing... strangly seeing money in my wallet doesn't make me feel smug - it makes me feel like I can go and spend it.
Once upon a time I used to like money but now I see it as just something to put into the machines.
(I think those people who design the games knows this happens and they don't care)

and if anyone should read this (which I highly doubt) I am not really a big problem gambler... I over react... just a small player really ... no one has ever been hurt by my actions, or even upset ... but I am deep down really scared that one day I might really cross the line ... my toes are there.... so I panic ...
My personality likes to be in control ... and these machines challenge that ... I have been known to put more money into the machines than I wanted to ... so when that happens I ban myself..
so while not being a goody goody too shoes person, I don't think I am all bad either ...

might be time for a drive lol.... no, actually I will probably wait a week before next playing... I think...
gambling_helpline
#2 Posted : Thursday, 27 February 2020 5:10:48 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi exjafa,

Thanks for posting about what you experiencing with your gambling journey. It sounds like you have made some big steps in your journey and I want to acknowledge that is wonderful. Whichever label you put on yourself- problem gambler or not, the action of taking steps to reduce/stop gambling tells me that you experience a lack of control with gambling that you are not entirely happy with. With any addiction it takes time for the cravings to fade and diminish and gambling is no exception. As you've recognised it also leaves a space that needs to be filled with some other activity.

At this time when you are quite vulnerable to taking it up again, I would like you encourage you to reach out for some further support.
For example you could phone the Gambling Helpline on 0800 654 655 for some support tonight and/or i the coming days. That is what they are there for, to help people in those difficult moments.

Kind Regards,

Gambling Helpline Forum


exjafa
#3 Posted : Thursday, 27 February 2020 5:45:32 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Gambling Helpline Forum
Well you have read my posts... I'm sorry I really thought this site was dead and that no one was there and no one cared.
Are you really in Kuala Lumpur? like it says on your post?
thats quite the journey.
Guess it's good to know you are there. somewhere...

I like the idea of an online forum for us deluded soles ... but I must say this forum is not user friendly - it tries but is lacking ... maybe you know someone who can give it mouth to mouth?

I've added your phone number to my contacts list .... just incase

ps Im sorry for calling your service a minor bloodsucker
exjafa
#4 Posted : Thursday, 27 February 2020 5:47:55 a.m.(UTC)
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opps spelling mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soles hahaha should be souls how silly!

once I typed vowels instead of vows ..... a bad habit forming
Postive1
#5 Posted : Thursday, 27 February 2020 11:59:28 p.m.(UTC)
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The machines are programmed to payout at random intervals so i don't understand where you get the idea its a challenge.

Like i said before Gambling is an addiction it will suck you in the moment you walk into the pub.

The only way to stop is to stay away for ever. the moment you play that one spin you will be hooked trust me we have all been there and done that and you will be back ranting to yourself saying you shouldn't have done that.

If you want to be a real champion the greatest of all time the MVP then you will challenge yourself to stay away from those pokie screen or anything
that will take your money like a thirsty gold digger.



exjafa
#6 Posted : Friday, 28 February 2020 4:10:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Positive1 thanks for commenting - appreciate that someone is out there reading!

the challenge for me is to be the one sitting on the chair when the machine actually pays out some money!

does happen sometimes but not enough in my opinion.... I have suggested on one of my posts that all machines should be programmed to return 99%...


I have recently just banned myself again.

I am now realising that I have way too much free time on my hands and that is one - just one- reason why I play
I guess as the days go by I may discover other reasons why I like to lose money.

Are you a Champion?
exjafa
#7 Posted : Saturday, 29 February 2020 3:02:04 a.m.(UTC)
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well folks its another day, a new day as I see it ... fresh from past poor decisions!

A friend rang and said she was going to play Pokies today, did I want to go with her to the big smoke?
normally no hesitation I would run out the door ... but today I paused, Wasn't I feeling a bit happier? no losses meant no recriminations... and that is nice.
did I want my bank balance to go to zero as I knew it would ....
AND I am planning on travelling farther afield on Wednesday and Have scheduled a few hours for play that day .... (for those who don't know I have banned myself from my local venues and now nearest ones are over 50 km away .


And so, decision made... and I am here now typing to you instead of doing what I like best. I actually feel pretty good about it.... One small step maybe.
Will be interesting to see how I cope on Wednesday. and how that impacts on thursday and friday etc....

Wednesdays budget will be .... $120 I think hahaha that doesn't sound like the truth does it .. we'll see how it goes but I will try to keep it at that ... hope machines will be kind to me. Is it Wednesday yet? .... whats today, friday then sat sun mon tue ..thats a long time to wait still I turned down todays offer ... and thats all I can really focus on.
A good result for today.
A new day tomorrow.
exjafa
#8 Posted : Sunday, 1 March 2020 7:21:56 a.m.(UTC)
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today is harder ... I feel the pull of the machines and I want to play. I want to put my $20 in and win.
I am wanting to gamble tomorrow - and Im not meant to - I have Wednesday earmarked as my Pokie day ....

I say to myself that I dont need to play ... the machines will still be there on Wednesday

oh why do I think I should give myself permission to go? I deserve a treat/I've been good/I have spare time/I'm not going to get into financial trouble so I should be allowed to play etc.

I have willing decided not to play (until Wednesday)

I don't have access to much money now so cant do too much damage thankfully... this is mostly about me controlling myself over my own set limits - which I freely admit I struggle with.'
somehow the machines get into your head ...

exjafa
#9 Posted : Monday, 2 March 2020 2:11:07 a.m.(UTC)
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I thought yesterday was hard hahaha today was worse.
My pokie playing friend asked me to go with her and play today - yes, I want to.
my hubby said go if you want to.
oh bloody hell ofcourse I want to!
but my brain knows its best if I don't play today ... its not my schedule day.

I have to imagine Not winning but losing .... remember the feeling of losing .... remember the feeling of taking more money out and losing that too... remember!!

my fingers text the word No to my friend...
Its hard but deep down I know its the right decision

don't be a baby ... the machines will still be there waiting for me another day...
gambling_helpline
#10 Posted : Monday, 2 March 2020 2:29:41 a.m.(UTC)
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Kia ora exjafa You have made the right decision to text no. That is awesome. May I ask are you interested in seeing a Gambling counsellor. Their services are free.
Postive1
#11 Posted : Monday, 2 March 2020 5:32:44 a.m.(UTC)
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Just a quick question what is the jackpot on the pokies you are wanting to drive 50km to play?

Also how much cash do you have left over from last week when you didnt play the pokies?

$120 budget?

Assume you saved $120 and bought things that matter. It may seem small but you should treat yourself to the money you didnt gamble.
New clothes or shoes or trip to the beauty parlour.

exjafa
#12 Posted : Monday, 2 March 2020 6:09:56 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Positive1, I notice you didn't answer my question to you but I will answer your questions to me...

1. nz jackpots are pitful $1000 max
2. about $150
3. Yes I withdraw $120 but have often withdrawn more - and lost it - and have long losing streaks
4. yes shopping would be an option - If I win a Jackpot I will go shopping

You didn't ask, but my bet size is $0.50 cents a push .... I like to play for hours if I can (and that is where the problem is I feel ....)

now you know more about me would you like to tell me abit about yourself
exjafa
#13 Posted : Tuesday, 3 March 2020 12:12:40 a.m.(UTC)
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Today is Monday and all I am thinking about is I have to get through today and tomorrow ... today is all about making it to Wednesday.
Doesn't that sound so so pathetic...
It is pathetic...

I really don't know why I'm in a rush to lose money again - I know the machines and their programmes pretty darn well so whats the rush?

I'm really pleased I have taken the step to self ban from local venues ... I'm pleased to be trying really hard to space out pokie playing ... I know I should also be banning myself permanently but thats a step I just don't want to do - yet anyway.

I guess I need to spend some time thinking about just why I don't want to give up permanently. ... initial thought is that I can manage my playing so shouldn't punish myself any more than I have done already ... I will admit I need the self ban to help me achieve this ...

oh well it is what it is ... The makers of the machines and the providers of the machines should also be questioning their role in gambling addiction ... there actions make life much harder for us players... their greed is getting worse year on year ...

exjafa
#14 Posted : Wednesday, 4 March 2020 3:05:03 a.m.(UTC)
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Rather surprisingly I don't have much to say today ... checked in to see if anyone had made a comment anywhere on this site .. and nothing.

I'm feeling a bit flat even the thought of saying how awful the RTP percentages are isn't enough to spur on any energy ...

catch ya tomorrow
exjafa
#15 Posted : Thursday, 5 March 2020 11:29:16 a.m.(UTC)
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well I got to have my day gambling today and all went well.
I ended up taking $160 cash with me ... and came home with $100... Played about 3 1/2 hours...
Now to see how the next few days go... in theory I shouldn't play again for a week ... I wouldn't put any money on me staying away for a week but we will see.
exjafa
#16 Posted : Friday, 6 March 2020 7:53:49 a.m.(UTC)
exjafa

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I wanted to play today. My friend asked me to go with her and I was sorely tempted...
but resisted, just.
Tomorrow is a New Day ...
exjafa
#17 Posted : Sunday, 8 March 2020 3:38:50 a.m.(UTC)
exjafa

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omg talk about a spectatular failure ...
played wednesday friday and today - for hours at a time.
Lost .... did have moments of winning but they weren't enough.

opps.

so all I really have now is a big petrol account and lost money hahaha

luckily its a new day tomorrow and I will not play now (until May)
watch this space lol
time to grow up and concentrate on other stuff more healthy than gambling.

If I am to fail and play at the machines 50km away I will ban myself from them as well.....
gambling_helpline
#18 Posted : Monday, 9 March 2020 6:44:49 p.m.(UTC)
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Hi,
Good that you have decided to bar yourselves from the venue 50km away. It would be good to do the same for any venues you might go to.

How about getting some support for your gambling? Feel free to give us a free call on 0800 654 655 or free txt 8006, we're available 24/7. We can help you with finding counselling and strategies to control or stop your gambling.

Kind regards,
Michael,
The Gambling Helpline Team.
Vin
#19 Posted : Thursday, 28 May 2020 10:18:12 a.m.(UTC)
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It’s been good for me to read your posts and I hope you come back to update. It reassured me that my struggles not alone and others think the same way. I hate that I have a budget for pokies and then I hate that I go over it every time too. If you decide to come back, please continue your story so I might follow and we could maybe encourage eachother
exjafa
#20 Posted : Thursday, 28 May 2020 12:46:16 p.m.(UTC)
exjafa

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Hi Vin, Nice to get your message ... Hope you are not hating on yourself too much.., be kind to yourself and just try to improve a bit each time.

so what's been happening with me lately ... well lockdown has been good BUT after a month I decided to create an online account and play real money pokies.
I tried Skycity casino twice ... I lost aobut $100 the first time but played for 5 hours so it seemed quite fun .... however
The second time I deposited about $120 - (I would play $1.00 (or less) each hit of the button) or so I thought ... I went onto one game and I thought I was playing for $1.00 but it was actually $10.00 each time I pressed the button (I lost $60 before I realised) I was so pissed off ... with all the safeguards the site claims to offer it does not offer bet amount safeguards. When I queried them, they said, yes lots of people get caught by that!!! well then fix it I said ... but no, they wont. I was so annoyed with them that I closed by account.

I think it was a lucky break actually ... it was just all a bit too convenient having online pokies available 24/7 for a gamblier like me.

so I waited for the pubs to open. And open they have. I drove to the city in high excitment and with money in my pocket.
and after signing in and sanitising my hands, sat down to enjoy myself (the room was pretty full of players) I lost .... quite brutally. Think about $260

One week later and I try again....
again, more signing in and sanitising ... and still no luck. I tried 4 different venues and only had a good result at one... so overall a lost of $200

so over the last what 7 weeks, I have lost about $700 ... $100 a week yep that sounds about right .... I reason that I don't smoke or drink or waste money any other way so whats the harm and ofcourse the answer is "its ok go and enjoy it" however, I am always scared that I will go overboard and sometimes I do. Once I spent $300 in one go. Then I feel really bad.

I banned myself from my local pokies (and I am so glad that I did) .... I recon I would be going every day if I didn't do that. I have to travel 50k's there and back to play now so that stops me from playing every day.

In my mind I think, I could win ... I could get lucky ... and sometimes I do .... but mostly I lose.

and yet I still go back. Hope you are doing better than me. Have a good day.










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