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exjafa
#41 Posted : Monday, 12 October 2020 3:31:39 a.m.(UTC)
exjafa

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Thanks gambling helpline,
So far, it's a relief not to play. I'm grateful that help is close at hand.

exjafa
#42 Posted : Tuesday, 27 October 2020 4:33:06 a.m.(UTC)
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if the translation was correct, your post is about illegal gambling online (Korea) and how it is growing expedentially. It is a concern for everyone. I imagine the Governments will be doing their best to make sure they control it (and the profits) as much as they can. However, It is, as always, the individual and their family that will face the biggest loses.
exjafa
#43 Posted : Sunday, 15 November 2020 5:08:08 a.m.(UTC)
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It's 2 months since I sat at a Pokie machine. I can honestly say the craving is still there and it's still strong. However, I can resist them, I was at the RSA today and didn't go in the pokie room, I could hear the machines lol.
I still feel like I'm being punished - and I wait the days until freedom comes. But I choose this action and I know it is the right thing to do. SOme part of me is relieved that I didn't play pokies today. My day was enjoyable. And I don't feel stressed. I don't feel quilty.
I guess that is progress. But it is slow.
 1 user thanked exjafa for this useful post.
Naksta on 16/11/2020(UTC)
Naksta
#44 Posted : Monday, 16 November 2020 12:29:34 a.m.(UTC)
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Just found this forum today. Thanks for all your guys posts! Now I dont feel so alone & stupid.

Been playing pokies for 20 years. Youre right exjafa, its more like button-pushing than playing lol. So tired of the depression & self-loathing. I make quite a lot & always put it all back in. So I usually walk out with nothing or way less than I actually won that night.
So far I spent $2,500 on pokies in one month! $400 last night!

I gave my bank cards to my daughter this morning so I stop wasting money. Thanks to you guys, I learned about self-banning. Gonna do that tomorrow. Also I'll put my daughter as signatory on my business bank acct so she has to approve all transactions first. And be upfront & open with her about how much money I have on me at all times. Keeps me accountable. Im not gonna give her control of my bank accts tho. I need to sort my crap out & not just make her responsible for me.

Finally I'll call the helpline tomorrow & sort out a strategy. Will keep you guys in the loop :) Keep posting. Not much interaction but the posts are super helpful!!
exjafa
#45 Posted : Monday, 16 November 2020 8:39:00 p.m.(UTC)
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Hi Naksta,
Nice to hear from you. And you are not alone.
If I can give you any advise it would be to ring the gambling helpline. Just do it ... they are kind. They will help.
The struggle to give up is real. It’s hard (or is for me anyway).
I still feel the desire to play and while I’ve not given the pokies any money for awhile - it’s still like a monster attached to my arm.
Would be nice to hear back from you

Naksta
#46 Posted : Monday, 16 November 2020 11:30:07 p.m.(UTC)
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Hey exjafa,
I've quit off & on over the years. Sometimes I'll go 6mths without pokies. Then I think I got it under control and go back in. BAM! Hooked again. Not long before I start sinking $200 a day. Rinse. Repeat.

Its not like I'm rich either. Can barely make ends meet. Got a business grant & spent half of it on pokies. Got a loan & spent some of that. Pawned stuff off, sold stuff. Just out of control. Can't do this anymore. I don't want my daughter to lose respect for me. Or leave me.

Called Problem Gambling Foundation. Got an appt for counselling in 2 days and they'll help me with self-exclusion from multiple venues. Skycity's the worst for me cos its 24hrs and I got a Premier Rewards card. So as long as I gamble to earn enough points that day then my parking's always free. They know how to hook you in aye.

Cheers All.
exjafa
#47 Posted : Tuesday, 17 November 2020 12:13:39 a.m.(UTC)
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I hear ya .... so easy to get hooked line and sinker.
I’ve got a premier card and I live 500kms away lol. If I lived near a casino I’d have lost the plot completely.
You have made a great first step. Well done. Be proud of yourself and then your daughter can be proud of you.
I can’t tell you that your journey will be easy but your sleeps will be 😀


exjafa
#48 Posted : Monday, 23 November 2020 1:21:41 a.m.(UTC)
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I haven’t sat behind a pokie machine in 2 months ...and I wish I could say That I have lost interest. But I’d be lying.
If I didn’t have a self ban on I’d be there today.
This is going to be a long road ...
exjafa
#49 Posted : Tuesday, 24 November 2020 5:22:14 a.m.(UTC)
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how you going naksta? Did you change your mind? it's not easy.
I need to find something to take the place of pokies. You'd think that wouldn't be hard to do but so far nothing is filling the gap. I've tried the free online games and its crappy...
I've watched the guys online, youtube, and that's not bad but they are starting to annoy me.
My friends are still gambling and occassionally I hear they have won ... they are losing too ofcourse but thats not so much fun talking about

exjafa
#50 Posted : Saturday, 28 November 2020 6:57:56 a.m.(UTC)
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I've had a lovely day today. I should be feeling great. Spent the day with my daughter. Had lunch at the RSA and I didn't go anywhere near the pokie room. Went shopping, past my favourite pokie venue, didn't slow down. Spent lots of money shopping and spent lots of time with my daughter which was very very nice. No feelings of guilt, no rushing to say goodbye and then rushing to a Pokie venue.
So why don't I feel so great? I've proven to myself I can go without Pokies ...
so why are they still pulling at me now? I'd love to go to the pub (by myself or with a gambling friend) and waste lots of money .... and ofcourse maybe win some.
I cant seem to get them out of my head permanently .... even though I can see how lovely my day was without them. I wish I hadn't put my online account on 6month hold.
I am feeling sorry for myself aren't I ... harden up I hear you say. I certainly should.
I really did have a wonderful day.


exjafa
#51 Posted : Wednesday, 16 December 2020 8:34:39 a.m.(UTC)
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I'm really glad I have a ban in place ... I know without it I would have lost alot of money. Sure, I miss going into the venues, watching and hoping for a big win. But I don't miss the losses, the horrible feeling of knowing I have lost money, the desire to go back and play again.
Because of the ban, I am getting some Mental relief, My mind isn't searching for the closest pokie venue so I can dump my family and go play.
Thanks to the gambling foundation for providing counselling because that helps.
Pokies were in my head all the time but finally I feel like I am making progress.
fortnight
#52 Posted : Sunday, 20 December 2020 8:26:56 a.m.(UTC)
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how long since you last played i havent gambled in 3 nearly 4 weeks first time i have gone that long in years i can afford to play im not poor not rich either i just feel guilty sometimes when i could have used that money for something else . i bet on horses never pokies never tried it has never appealed to me at all
exjafa
#53 Posted : Sunday, 20 December 2020 9:42:34 a.m.(UTC)
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here is an interesting docu on pokies ... worth watching. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4WNm_B4klQ

knowing the facts should make the desire to play go away ... not playing them for 2 months should make the desire to go away ... but it hasn't.

In my heart, I feel that if I didn't have a ban inplace I'd be playing ...

exjafa
#54 Posted : Sunday, 20 December 2020 10:16:36 a.m.(UTC)
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I know I can resist the Pokies and not play them because I have a ban in place and I've proven to myself that I can go 2 months plus without them, so why do you think, it is that
I feel if the ban is lifted, I'll be back to square one?
Why cant I just go on ignoring them???
Naksta
#55 Posted : Wednesday, 23 December 2020 6:35:57 a.m.(UTC)
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Hey exjafa! My bad for not replying earlier. I been in & out of pokies last month. Finally stopped 2 weeks ago. I think I'm done.

I hear you about the cravings. Been there, for sure.

What helped me was understanding deeper reasons for why I gamble. I realised I was distracting myself from true pain I've been dealing with my whole life.

I heard this on Youtube: Its like pouring your heart out to a best friend. As soon as you start talking, they pull out their ph & scroll on facebook / pour themselves a glass of whiskey / go shopping / eat junkfood / gamble. How would that make you feel? Unheard, unloved, unwanted, unworthy, right?

But that's what I was doing every time I gambled / drank / over-ate etc. I was distracting myself instead of dealing with the real problem & being a best friend to myself.

I thought it would've been more painful processing my sadness & anxieties. But actually I felt free after just one day. Still get cravings for sure. But I put measures in place so I can't gamble. And haven't drunk in 2 weeks either. Got a plan sussed for the holidays & no looking back. I know my triggers & my excuses and told my daughter everything so they won't work anymore.

Had great sessions @ PGF & CADS last week. My next PGF counselling is Jan 28th.

One day at a time, keep forgiving myself, focus on what matters most: my business & my health.

All the best to you guys during this time. Be kind to yourselves no matter what you do & keep your heads up!
exjafa
#56 Posted : Tuesday, 29 December 2020 12:03:43 a.m.(UTC)
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hiya Naksta, good to her from you.
I wish you all the best for a pokie free future and it seems like you will succeed.

The scary thing for me, is Am I done?
Even though I've played only twice in 3 months Ifeel like I am still vunerable...
but as you say, just take one day at a time.

Naksta
#57 Posted : Tuesday, 29 December 2020 2:01:44 a.m.(UTC)
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Thank you, I wish you the best too! I hear you. I'm most definitely not done. Still struggling with cravings & temptation & near-relapses. I'm definitely still vulnerable. But I've quit before & I'll do it again.

Just like with ciggies, junkfood & liquor. Each habit took a lot of tries. Each try was a long difficult process. Each time I learned something new that helped. And every day got easier til it was a piece of cake.

I just gota remember to forgive myself all the time and be kind to me. And know that struggle is there to teach me something. And that the universe provides the right opportunities, not when I WANT it to happen, but when I am READY.

Ya know, we're both giving it a go, we're working towards it, and we put it out to the universe. It will happen for us, all of us. We don't know when or how, only that it will. I believe in that!
exjafa
#58 Posted : Thursday, 7 January 2021 10:42:41 p.m.(UTC)
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I did a bad thing .... I worked out which venues don't bother throwing problem gamblers out (yes, I am banned from all venues in that area)- and I used that to My advantage, and much to the sadness of my wallet.

I lost $300 in one sitting. According to my withdrawals $60 only lasted 12 mins. and the next $60 only 18 mins later followed by more ...
I had a series of terrible bonuses and long lossing hits - but I couldn't leave the machine until I figured I really had to walk away a loser.

When I got home I decided from now on I'll be good, my ban doesn't lift until April. I deleted all the free pokie games I have on my phone and computer. These just encourage play I think.

I told my partner what I had done and received support which was nice.
My intention is to be good. Then guess what I did? I started planning where to go when my ban was lifted - I started organising a trip to the Auckland casino when suddendly I felt like that was the wrong thing to do... so I stopped. No future plans now to gamble (probably for the first time in my life)

Just need to stay focused now and enjoy life without Pokies.
It's about time I followed my own advice.

I hope Naksta you are doing better than me.
Naksta
#59 Posted : Thursday, 7 January 2021 11:18:44 p.m.(UTC)
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Aw forgive yourself exjafa. You did an amazing job with: 1) telling your partner 2) deleting those f*#kn free pokie games (yeah they just tempt me to the real thing too!). Keep doing those things that helps you stay focused. Its gonna take time & we're gonna make mistakes & learn from them. You got this!!

Am I doing better than you? I spent $60 last week, made $450 & spent the whole lot in 4 hours. So, nope. Its that feeling of "I can make more. I can make it back. All I need is one more free spin." Cos you just never know. Your machine could hit. Or not. You could walk away & someone else puts $2 in it & hits the jackpot. We've all had that happen to us, right? That's all the money you just sunk in that machine & now its going to some other lucky monkey, aargh!

Oh and that's another justification: "well I actually only spent $60 so it doesn't matter that I lost all that winnings, right?" Yeah well how come I feel so crappy then? Its cos I lost control again. Its cos I walked out with nothing again.

What I'm doing now - and this is probs just another justification - is that I have another signatory on my bank account. I pay all my bills & show my daughter everything I've paid & the balances. I keep around $100 & put the rest in a joint account. Then I can do whatever I want with that $100. Usually its a box of liquor & pokies. That's what I've done the last couple weeks. I feel better cos I'm not spending thousands in a month. Then its just about sticking to that routine for a while. And then my next plan is to drop the amount down to $50 a week on pokies. Then $40 etc.

I'll tell you if it works hahaha. Enjoy your day, be kind to yourself & keep your head up!
exjafa
#60 Posted : Friday, 8 January 2021 9:12:26 a.m.(UTC)
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you sure understand how it goes Naksta, and I thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

I hope you are feeling better about reinvesting your $450 winnings .. so easy to do. I fancy I have control when playing lol but I obviously dont!!
the machines win all the time.
I did win a jackpot awhile back, and I came home with 80% of it ... but over the following few days or so, all the money would go back in. so more feelings of crappiness.

I like the saying "You got this" but all I feel like I got is the flu ...

however I'll try to get better and be kind to myself and keep my head up... well that's the plan.
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