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#1 Posted : Monday, 24 January 2011 1:48:00 a.m.(UTC)

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hi. i am new to this website, and as i type this - i don't know if i even have the energy left in me anymore to want to even talk about it, but i can't sleep, so here i am, at 1.20am looking for online help. at the same time, my husband is sleeping in a drunken stupor unaware of how upset i am. which is less than ideal - especially as i'm pregnant with our very much wanted & long awaited first child. we have been married for over 10 years now, and call me stupid if you will, i do... for putting up with his pokie addictions on and off for this time and more. we've done everything to try and fix this 'beast', and it keeps rearing it's head every other year. and when it does - boy oh boy does it knock us for six. i am meant to be looking after finances of our joint accounts - except when he takes my visa card from wallet without permission - or goes to the bank himself, using his drivers license as id to withdraw cash. the only way i find out about it all is when it's too late, on a statement. i guess that after all these years i'm still hoping for a 'normal' relationship - know that will prob not be, but i don't want to admit it to be honest. who would want to? i feel like his mother looking after finances, handing out pocket money. i hate it. seems that the people that suffer from this the most is everyone but the gambler. i'm sick of the lies, deceit, false promises, and of course money that could be used on, well, anything other than damn pokies. i am so angry with him that i can hardly look at him. this baby is something we have wanted for so long, and never thought was going to eventuate - until we chose to accept donor egg. as if my life wasn't complicated enough. he promised me, PROMISED me, that this would not happen again. now how can i trust this won't happen again when the child arrives? i can't. i don't want to subject he/she to this! i won't allow it. i am so SO angry. i am terrified with the thought of the possibility of leaving him, with a baby in towe, i love him with all my heart & soul - everything else about him is perfect. he's always really sorry, and i know that he is, i know that. but i don't know what else to do. i simply don't understand how someone can be so destructive.
GH Admin
#2 Posted : Thursday, 27 January 2011 11:22:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Heartache,

Welcome to the site. It seems like you are feeling very hurt and let down at the moment. Promises being broken, the lying and stealing don't seem to be what you had in mind for your future. On top of that a baby to look after. This sounds like it could be very overwhelming for you. I do have some questions for you that you may want to think about.

What supports do you have for you and your baby? Does anyone else know what is going on?

You said that you look after the finances and this helps, even though it seems frustrating for you at times, what else is he doing for his own recovery?

Remember Heartache that there is support out there for you too. You can call us on 0800 654 655 at anytime for support. You can post here on the forum and you can go to free one on one counselling for you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and situation. Remember that there is always support out there for you.

GH Admin.
#3 Posted : Saturday, 25 August 2012 6:19:15 a.m.(UTC)

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i guess all i can say is your not alone honey! i have just found out after having my baby that there has been gambling and stolen money from me as such! i know what i have to do but it is easier said than done! we have to protect our little ones! but also want to stick together to try and keep the love! but with lies and destruction is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel! i have just reached out to my friends and they are a great support and family have been very understanding! In saying that.. it wasn't easy for me to admit i am with someone who can hurt someone so much whilst apparently still loving me! I love him but i feel as if that is not enough.. lies are lies! trust is trust! I hope you get threw this and i hope you make the right choices for you and you alone for now! Babysteps.. you have to crawl before you can walk! Let the force be with you and don't blame urself..
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