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sandy
#1 Posted : Sunday, 20 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
sandy

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I want to look to the future,not the past,not the now but the time when I can say I control the machines and they no longer control me.Yes it will be a journey with I'm sure many slips along the way but that's what I'm working toward.My slips will be reminders of the awful addiction and help me recover not send me spiralling down.
murray
#2 Posted : Tuesday, 22 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Sandy
I am a new posted to.I have readed a not of the post,and there is support out there, Just keep on talking on line. we are all i the same boat. I have been gamble for a long time now and it as hurt my family big time.But I am taking each day as it comes.One at a Time. One gamble free day is great.but two to three is better.Be Strong and keep in touch
Take Care Sandy
taysh
#3 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie, man I feel for you. That's usually me. It's awful when you realise you have spent everything, only have a loaf of bread in the freezer and have a week to go before you can buy any food. It's frightening, and the anger we feel towards ourselves is astounding.

Is there any food banks nearby that you can approach. Alternatively, is there anyone you can borrow some money from. I don't like to advocate that but hey, eating is important for you and your family. Please try not to get caught up in those awful loan shark type situations.

On a more positive note, we have all been there. We are trying our best never to be there again. Remember this feeling. Write it down so you can read how you felt when you get urges again. Try to think about what ways you could have avoided it, such as leaving cards at home etc so that next time you can somehow avoid it. I know after my recent slip, that although I was majorally peeved at myself, I wasn't in major difficulty because of all the limits I had placed on myself. If not for that I'd be in a right pickle. As it is I have to cancel a lunch date that I had been really looking forward to because I don't have $20.00 to my name. This addiction is simply so destructive.

Take care Jeannie and know we are all here for you.
sandy
#4 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
sandy

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Jeannie 7 days wow well done.Thankyou for opening a new thread it's so much quicker to open.Well another day to face hope I didn't sleep away any of the strength I had yesterday.Good luck to everyone else.
sandy
#5 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie my heart goes out to you.That has happened to me so many times in the past,no urges and yet get in the car money in my pocket and auto-gambler sneaks up on me.Jeannie I will say again I lost everything through gambling and I'm still doing it but when I look back at some of the horrendous days when I didn't even have bus fare and see now that although my savings are gone as a result of recent slips. I have a roof over my head,food,smokes and alcohol.I don't get loans anymore or should I say borrow money off people and not pay it back.So as bad as you feel now it will get better!I know that's probably no consolation but Jeannie I had to get food grants,help with power had my phone disconnected and then as I said lost my marriage,my home and my car they are only the material things.Ever so slowly by visiting the site and reminding myself of where I was at least I'm not doing it daily.We are in recovery we are not cured,so please look at it as a reminder to learn from not the end just part of the journey.
kimy
#6 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hay jeannie boy do i know where you are at. Like you i feel absolutley guttered about what has happened i did not slip today but on the weekend i did and it was the most destroying one to date.I have not been since saturday but i cannot get over the destruction that i have caused. The financial ruin that i have done i do not think i will be able to cope from this one . Not that my words help much but here goes please do not beat yourself up too much. Tomorrow is a new beginning. You can do this i know you can i have faith in you . You seem like such a wonderfull together lady i read yourt posts and think wow you really now your stuff. Remember that boat? I think it was you who posted that well this was just a huge wave that knocked the boat hold our hands Jeannie and get back on board we can ride this storm saftley and get back on land. All the best.
jeannie
#7 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi Guys well another night shift coming to an end. Sandy it was a terrific achievement yesterday, I appreciate the difficulty that happens to actually reach out when you get that overwhelming need to break.. I have a very close friend who's ex partner was a gambler, and so often she would tell me too ring her if I ever felt the urge to go, well meaning and I appreciated the offer, but when the time came it was nigh impossible as those urges just made everything fly out the window. So in your strength yesterday it boosts our strength.

It is day 7 for me today so I can now add another star to my mirror, and as it is the start of a new day, and I am very tired, so if I keep on here I will end up going on a miriad of tangents. So have a really positive day everyone, Murray, Kimy, Hocko, Rusty, Taysh, Circadian, Sandy and anyone else that I have missed. Take care all
jeannie
#8 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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What can I say i started the day on a positive note had absolutly no urges need or want then i got in the car to go home and whammo I was swamped by the biggest wave ever,I kept saying yo myself, drive past, drive past, but I didn;t heed the warning and i am now at my lowest point ever. At this precis moment in time I.m wretched and could give in quite easily, financially I ave completely screwed it I have no idea how I am going to put food on the table. Maybe I needed it to really hurt, which it does. I cannot understand why I caved in. being in this place really is very far from pleasant. so I am not counting today. I know I need to take my own advice wich is so easy to give when your OK, and so difficult to follow when your I feel sickened to the stomach. I will get up again but not today.

I hope everyone else is OK
hocko
#9 Posted : Thursday, 24 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie, I am so sorry for you and the way you feel. We've all been there, but you are trying very hard and one day you'll beat this addiction. Next time you leave work and get an urge to gamble, are you able to take another route home. I found this helped with me as it was a habit driving past the pokies and calling in. If you don't drive past them, then it may feel easier to kick that urge straight out the window.
Kimy, good to hear you are still keeping gamble free after the weekend. Sandy, you are so right. For most people, giving up gambling is not just a case of saying "that's it". If it was that easy, none of us would be here. Most people take little steps, one day at a time, before they reach the ultimate goal. And even then, we still have to be on our guard against it as Brian G said in a previous post.
Circadian, Taysh and Murray, I hope you are all well and happy.
On a happier note, I'm on day 19 and the urges aren't quite so bad. I hope I can keep this up.
taysh
#10 Posted : Friday, 25 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi all. Another gamble free day for me. Hey Kimy hope your day out is going OK on your payday. Keep strong. Jeannie hope you are feeling better.

Has anyone else read Raise(can't recall name)'s posts on other threads. I have responded but am unsure of my response. I think some other opinion may be good for him (and for me - as I really am unsure of my response).

Have a good day everyone.
sandy
#11 Posted : Friday, 25 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Taysh I have posted a response not sure how it will go down.Jeannie I couldn't be happier for you don't want to sound like a smarty but did tell you things can change and look what happened.It's a reward for your wonderful efforts in trying to quit.Hocko and Kimy you are both doing well also.Good luck to everyone.
kimy
#12 Posted : Friday, 25 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie i am so glad for you. Please be carefull. It is my pay day today so i will be venturing out shortly to take my girl to kindy and staying strong. I still feel so gut wrenchingly sick over my slip in the weekend that i do not think i could face even walking into the gaming room today.From embarrasement mostly as that was just plane stupidity what i did. Any way im off now and i will post again later,Hope everyone has a great positive gamble free day.
kimy
#13 Posted : Friday, 25 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Hi taysh yes i have read his thread and to be honest i dont no why he wrote it? To me it seems as if he wants to keep gambling and in some way willing to educate on how to play poker????????/ I may be wrong and probably are so i will say sorry in advance.
jeannie
#14 Posted : Friday, 25 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
jeannie

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Thanks guys it means a lot I can only think that someone out there must have been directing all their positive thoughts towards me, I actually recieved my income tax rebate today, so the question of food on the table has been resolved. Thank goodness. It is now a question of driving on past those places, and focusing on the reward of a star at the end of the day. I may even be able to buy some new clothes, and some clothes for the boys. So I have spent time to night putting the funds in accounts that are not so easy to access. Taysh you are right about writing things down it gets it out there so that it takes on more substance than it just being put down as a memory, it makes it a real happening and therefore it is harder to ignore or pretend that you had never gone there. Hocko I wished i could take another route but I would have to traverse bush and paddocks I don't think the car would come off very well, so instead I will have to picture a draught horse with blinkers on, and head straight for home. Sandy thanks for reminding me that we are indeed in recovery and are not cured, it is a process, and each gamble free day is a step closer to being at the finishing end of recovery. Kimy, your words hit a chord in my heart, and were of great use thanks, Thanks again everyone for your support and your belief in me that I can succeed with this. When we can't beleive in our selves it is such a percious thing when others can believe for you in that moment, which in turn enables you to reinstate your own belief and say vehemently Yes I can do this, gambling no longer needs to control me I need to control it, and not give into its temptation.

Guys will check in later. have a good day. Sandy as you said material things are only just that material things , and it is more important to be whole within youself, so if I had all the money in the world and could afford to gamble it should make no difference as gambling for me plays havoc with my own emotional and physical wellbeing. So I need to still address this with or without money.
jeannie
#15 Posted : Saturday, 26 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
jeannie

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Sandy you did say things would change and you were so right. I have been struggling with urges since before starting work last night, because I have a few dollars that won't be missed and I have been thinking " one more time" this has been going on for the past 10 hours of this shift, although I am so tired that I need to go home straight away, and i have been enteraining as many thoughts as possible and working out what I will do and how to get there after work, so I can now post a bit more positive because the urges have subsided somewhat, and I can now see my kids and what I have promised them that I would never do again. So if I don't post in four hours time it will mean that I have busted. and as the time is registered for when you post, you will all be able to check. It is 5.45 here in the morning and I finish work at 7.30 it takes me 20 minutes to get home and then by the time I get my breakfast etc I shoul be inbed by 9.00 and then I will post. I don't have a place that I can ring or anyone to contact, so you guys are my life line. Hope you don't mind. I just want to change as much as my gambling habits as possible..

I am trying to be as honest as I can, I have a mental picture in my mind and it is as if I was really at the casino, hope I am making sense, I can almost touch it, I am trying to describe the urges, They are more than mere thoughts that you can dismiss in a split second, it is as though you are on another plane of existance. I am trying desperately to thought block. After ten hours of doing this the thoughts are at a trickle, and I can focus more squarely on the reality of the outcome of busting. I need to feel more rewarded and keener to go home. I do hope I am making some sort of sense, sleep depravation can do funny things to you.

Anyway I have some notes to write and attend to my work. So will post in a couple of hours. Thanks everyone for being there.
jeannie
#16 Posted : Saturday, 26 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
jeannie

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Its 8.15am I got home AOK very tired and a little chuffed with myself that I got home without any mishap, Just had a couple of very short bursts of time when the urge flitted through my mind like a sting and I was able to let it pass without grabbing hold of it and allowing it to grow in momentum. I now have five days off which is very rare that the rosters work out that way, so for five days the money will stay in the bank as I will send the boys out with any errands or at the very least take someone with me. I am supposed to be going out to lunch today with a couple of friends, but have decided that it is too soon and it could very well enable me to fold. There will be other opportunities in the future. I am looking at it the same way as if you were sick you would have to cancel any outings until you felt well enough to go. So in the same way I must take extreme care and not make this illness any worse. If you were suffering from the flu, you wouldn't go on a trip to the snow, you would stay home were it was warm and safe.

Anyway all here is to a positive day and another step in our recovery
hocko
#17 Posted : Saturday, 26 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Jeannie, Congratulations on being so strong. Because of the difference in time zones, I was completely unaware of your struggle, hence the reason I didn't reply sooner. You've obviously had quite a struggle but won, and that is the essence of your desire to quit. And putting in stops for the next five days should see you through that as well. Keep strong.
I'm now on day 21, and the urges have been a lot less lately. I had to have a medical procedure yesterday and the place I was attending is right across the road from the venue I used to frequent. I only had a fleeting thought about going in, but realised that it would put me right back where I was and I ignored the thought. I wish it was that easy every time.
I hope everyone else is OK and look forward to hearing from you all.
syriamber
#18 Posted : Sunday, 27 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
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Kia Ora everybody, I've been dealing with a gambling problem for the last 5 years. I am a christian and lately I have become stronger in my walk with the Lord, I aint saying I havent fallen because I have. Lately I have become more intimate with the Lord who I love so much and with these flesh desires it's pretty hard but it's much harder for myself if I decided to step away from my Lord. Every week I find that with my walk getting stronger, God is revealing why I am still struggling with Gambling, through his Word(the bible)and mostly through his calling in my life and the more he reveals the more I learn why I am still dealing with this gambling problem. I am currently taking counselling sessions with a wonderful counsellor and have decided to end this problem once and for all, I aint saying that it will happen over night but if I continue to gamble I will lose my future, myself and mostly my family which I am not prepared to do and because of my walk with God I havent lost any of those yet and praise the Lord for revealing the truth, I can honestly say that I no longer have a desire to play those pokie machines and the main reason being is because I only play to win more money and when I do win more money, I only put it all back in and that sucks because it's being caught in a web of deceit and I no longer wish to be part of that deceit. To all those who are suffering, hang in there and believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes a while that's all and continue to seek to pull yourself out of the rut because that's what I've been in. I can only praise God for his promises and through his precious son Lord Jesus Christ he truly is a kind a merciful God. God bless you all...Much blessings and respect...Risa T
jeannie
#19 Posted : Monday, 28 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
jeannie

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Welcome Syriamber. hang on to your faith no matter what happens. It is good that you can see that gambling is a problem and what the end result would be if you continue to gamble, to see the problem gives us the opportunity to deal with it. Having a strong faith and a belief in a higher power can only be helpful. Gambling is an addiction that is nigh impossible to overcome by yourself, I often think about the footsteps in the sand and the part where there is only one set of prints instead of two and it was asked Why Lord is there only one set of prints, and Jesus answered that is where I carried you. Keep posting and keep your conviction
jeannie
#20 Posted : Monday, 28 July 2008 12:00:00 a.m.(UTC)
jeannie

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Hi all thanks for all of your support, I have managed to stay gamble free since posting prior to the weekend and I certainly feel a lot more settled. I must admit though that I have not done anything too constructive over the weekend, watched movies and a little house work. Today I am feeling the temptation a bit so I am having another PJ day. How are you all going? Circadian haven't heard from you in a while I hope all is OK. Taysh, Kimy, Hocko, Sandy and any one else that I may have missed I hope your weekend has had some positive moments if not days, another week of moving on in recovery is about to begin, so lets do our best to make it a positive week .
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